Sex Toy Company COO Tells Navy Seals Who Killed Osama To Go Fuck Themselves

Posted: May 11 @ 1:30pm by 610 in Bolivian
Tags: , , , ,

[The Frisky]  The world’s number one selling male sex toy company, Fleshlight, has extended their thanks to SEAL Team 6, the country’s highest protective detail Navy SEALs, who conducted one of the bravest missions in American History forever changing the landscape of the United States of America, and the world.  The company sent the SEAL team a six case of Fleshlight products named “Stealth”.  This product is aptly named as it is very concealable and hard to detect.  These “Stealth” Fleshlight products have now been replaced by the arrival of Fleshlight Pure.  “We want to thank the Navy SEALs for their efforts,” says Brian Shubin, COO of Fleshlight.  “For their courage, and the fact they risked their lives to protect our freedom, we hope they will appreciate our gifts.”

Hey asshole, you know when these could be handy?  When our troops are stranded out in a sandstorm in Afghanistan guarding their posts for hours on end, wondering if they’ll make it home to dip their dongs in some warm American apple pie.  When the desert conditions have our bravest soldiers’ hands too dried out for self-servicing.  You know when they don’t need them?  After they complete the most important mission in recent American history by inconceivably tracking down & courageously killing the man responsible for 9/11.  What the fuck, Brian?  Pocket pussies?  That’s their gift?  These dudes deserve to be balls-deep in the snizz of their choice and you’re sending them a box of covert masturbatory machinery that’s been DISCONTINUED and replaced with the new & improved ‘Fleshlight Pure’?  You couldn’t even send the ‘Pure’?!?!?!  Don’t patronize our heroes bro.  You should’ve boxed up & shipped your wife, daughters, mom & any other females in your family tree.  Instead you think you’re being a grateful American by telling the SEALs to go fuck themselves with the old model?  Fuck you Brian Shubin.  Get some Fleshlights to the military still on enemy turf (like the guy below who clearly needs one) and leave our most heroic to slay as much living, breathing pussy as they damn well please.


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