Check Out This Dude Who Robbed A Bank With A Glue Gun & Imaginary Bomb

Posted: December 22 @ 3:00pm by 610 in Bolivian
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[WISH]  Police arrested a man they say robbed a bank with a glue gun on Monday. Around 1:40 p.m. Monday, an armed robbery was reported at PNC Bank, 3003 Kentucky Ave. Bank employees said the man displayed what they thought was a gun and told them he had a bomb, while showing them something taped to his leg. The man got away, but officers from Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department and the FBI Safe Streets Task Force identified him through surveillance video. Officers tracked down their suspect, Aaron Randolph, in the 3300 block of South Lockburn Street. They found all the money, along with the suspected “firearm” that was used — a glue gun. They also determined Randolph wasn’t armed with a bomb, as bank workers said he threatened.

Oh he wasn’t armed with a bomb?  No fucking kidding.  I wish I wasn’t so skillfully creative and, instead of blogging from my mom’s basement, I had to get a remedial job as a bank teller.  I’d be like the Cal Ripkin of consecutive Employee Of The Month plaques at PNC just thwarting heists left & right.  Take my man Aaron here, for example.  You’re seriously gonna come at me with a bomb threat?  Come on, bro. First of all, if that so-called gun was legit why the fuck would you need a bomb?  And when are we gonna learn that there’s no Bomb ‘R Us stores?  They’re not exactly easy to come by.  I mean every single time you hear about a ‘bomb’ in the news, it’s immediately followed by ‘threat’ which means it’s always bullshit.  When’s the last time a bomb went off during a burglary?  Exactly.  So I’m calling shenanigans on Aaron and everyone else like him who thinks they’re gonna pull the wool over my eyes. Call me reckless, call me a hero – whatever floats your boat.  Just don’t call me dumb enough to fall for the old “I got a bomb” routine.  Either blow us up or get the fuck off my line so I can go to lunch.

That’s what I thought…


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