Get Me This Tipsy Tow!

Posted: December 28 @ 2:00pm by keystoned in Bolivian

[Houston]  Statistics show that traffic-related fatalities increase significantly around the holidays. Therefore, the AAA Texas sponsors a complimentary Tipsy Tow on New Year’s Eve and the Fourth of July, which offers free rides to drivers who have been drinking. Avoid becoming a statistic, and help guests stay safe by following these tips:

Ensure that all guests have a ride to and from their destination in a car driven by a non-drinking designated driver

Plan activities that take the focus away from drinking, and make non-alcoholic beverages readily available

Serve high-protein snacks to slow down alcohol absorption

Stop serving alcohol at least 90 minutes before a party ends, and serve guests coffee or dessert

Take car keys from intoxicated guests who plan to drive home

Tipsy Tow service provides a complimentary ride and vehicle tow up to three miles from the point of pickup to drivers who have consumed alcohol on New Year’s Eve and the Fourth of July. Tipsy Tow service is available to members and non-members. Ask for a Tipsy Tow by calling 1-800-AAA-HELP (222-4357).

It’s some bullshit that they’re not offering this in New England, but I would be all over this shit if I could get a tispy tow at 2 in the morning. What a fucking deal too – a free 5-mile tow from wherever you are, however hammered you are, back to your house or some broad’s. I just programmed this number into my phone, just in case something happens.  Seriously, I know more people who have gotten nailed with a DUI on New Year’s than I know people in general. My mother makes it a sport to open up the paper on January 1st and check out all the sorry bastards who got arrested. “Oh look, you went to high school with three of these guys.” Not trying to be one of those assholes since Ma’s little heart couldn’t take it, so it’s going to free AAA tows Saturday night. Cuddled up in the back seat with some drunk girl, waving Moe from Al’s Tow and Collision to take a left at this light. Like a mechanical horse carriage through Central Park, except we’re banging a right at this apartment complex.

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