Guy Tries To Bribe Police With Dolphins Tickets

Posted: January 6 @ 2:00pm by keystoned in Bolivian
Tags: , , , , ,

[Palm BeachA man charged with offering a law enforcement officer two tickets to today’s Miami Dolphins pro football season finale to avoid arrest might be mostly guilty of overestimating their value, a judge said at the man’s bond hearing this morning. Eric Scott Topalian, 23, of suburban Boca Raton, is charged with two counts each of possessing controlled drugs without a prescription, bribery of a public servant, threatening a public servant and resisting arrest without violence. Documents detailing the alleged incident weren’t available today because of the holiday. Palm Beach County Jail records show Topalian was booked Saturday afternoon by Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputies. Although the Dolphins face their hated rivals, the New York Jets, they’ve struggled through yet another sub-.500 season. They started 0-7, fired head coach Tony Sparano in mid-December with three games left, and go into this afternoon’s Jets face-off with a 5-10 record. “Have you been watching the Dolphins? No one’s going to go to that game,” Palm Beach County Judge Timothy P. McCarthy told Topalian. Topalian began to say something but the judge admonished him that it probably would be better if he didn’t discuss the potential value of an alleged bribe while he still was considered innocent until proven guilty. “Miami-Jets tickets aren’t worth a damn,” McCarthy said, and reduced Topalian’s bond accordingly, ordering him held in lieu of $6,000 bail. As it turned out, it might have been the judge who made the wrong call about the game. The Dolphins won a thriller, 19-17.

You kind of have to give him credit. I mean, it’s a shitty offer and it won’t get you places (except a cell for a night), but at least he wasn’t offering Jaguar tickets. Or Bucs tickets. Could haven been a lot worse. This guy could have really low-balled this cop because he had a handful of Xannies on him. Or maybe he was just sipping on some lean in a blue raspberry slurpie cup. I would be to if my team started 0-7 this year and couldn’t even hold a .500 all season. But the cop’s the idiot here because he really missed a good game. He could have sat in the rafters and watch a ant-sized Sanchez throw picks. Tough loss buddy, maybe you’ll be your name on a ‘Pig of the Month’ plaque.

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