No More Twinkies?! Defcon 5! Defcon 5!

Posted: January 11 @ 3:00pm by scrody in Bolivian
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[WSJ] Hostess Brands Inc., the maker of Twinkies and Wonder Bread, is seeking bankruptcy protection, blaming its pension and medical benefits obligations, increased competition and tough economic conditions. The Chapter 11 filing on Wednesday comes just two years after a predecessor company emerged from bankruptcy proceedings. That company, called Interstate Bakeries and based in Kansas City, Mo., filed for bankruptcy protection in 2004. It emerged in February 2009. But Hostess said Wednesday that its previous efforts to produce incremental change, including the prior Chapter 11 case, were insufficient. In its filing with the U.S. Bankruptcy Court for the Southern District of New York, Hostess disclosed that its biggest unsecured creditor is the Bakery & Confectionary Union & Industry International Pension Fund, which it owes approximately $944.2 million. Its second-largest unsecured creditor, Central States, Southeast and Southwest Areas Pension Plan is owed far less, about $11.8 million. Hostess President and CEO Brian Driscoll said in a statement that the company is working to reach a consensual agreement with its unions to modify its collective bargaining agreements. The company said that its current cost structure is not competitive mostly because of legacy pension and medical benefit obligations and restrictive work rules. Hostess said those issues, coupled with more competition and the difficult economic conditions, created a worsening liquidity situation that drove its need to reorganize.

I know this is probably just an excuse for Hostess to be able to fire more of its employees, but what if it’s the real deal this time? Can you imagine a world without Twinkies? Without Ho-Ho’s or cream filled cupcakes? I can’t, and I don’t want to. Not to mention the loss of the biggest go-to fat kid insult of all time. There could potentially be an entire generation of kids that can’t spout out, “hey tubby, why don’t you go eat another Twinkie”. What else are young bullies supposed to say now? Go have some more Oreos with a nice refreshing glass of milk? Just doesn’t have the same ring to it. It’s a sad day. A sad day indeed.

  1. Cracker says:

    Nice call on the “hey tubby” line. I used to get the opposite back in the day. Being super-skinny as a kid, people would be like “hey Skeletor, go eat some fucking twinkies!”
    Also, have you seen the damn price of twinkies these days? Maybe the 7-11 on the corner by my place is the most expensive one in the world; but these bastards are selling twinkies 3-packs for $1.99! Shit, I can walk across the street to Wendy’s and get a 5-piece nuggets and fries for that kind of cash.

    • hoboduke says:

      The “cost” of a twinkie ingredients is probably $0.10 per pack of 2. The money needed to cover the overhead of the company (including the union benefits of retired workers) is $1.25! That leaves money for federal taxes, state taxes, paying the shipping, paying the workers at Hostess and paying off debt. It’s time to go the GM route and take over Twinkies by Obama. He did good with Solyndra.

      • scrody says:

        I fully endorse a government takeover of all Twinkie factories. We’ve already bailed out our top two industries. Number three is junk food. If America is good at one thing, it’s producing fatsos. To get the country back on track, we need to go back to our roots, the thing that separates us from the rest of the countries in the world… the inalienable right that is at the very core of the fabric of America. Being really fucking fat.

        • hoboduke says:

          If our government takes over the Twinkies factory we know the company will get the same chance of success of Solyandra! This will thrill the nutrition police. Don’t see any reason to be hostile to fat people during this time of stress. Living well is the best revenge and I enjoy tuning out the nutrition police as I feast on well marbled steaks sizzling on my open fire grill, smoking a cigar, and sipping on bourbon during my grilling with charcoal smoke billowing.

          • scrody says:

            Oh please, me hostile towards fat fucks? I’m a tubby bastard too my friend. And as far as living well, if it wasn’t being brought up all the time, I wouldn’t have even known the recession existed. I think it’s made up, like landing on the moon or the holocaust.

            • hoboduke says:

              That puts my mind at ease. Hostility and high blood pressure kills the skinny triathalon types while the obscenely rich fat guys order barbeque ribs, and another round of cocktails like Michael Moore. He look like a hippo waddling through OCCUPY Wall St.

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