Eli’s Not All That Great

Posted: February 6 @ 9:00am by 610 in Bolivian

2 Super Bowl rings.  7 straight post-season victories away from home.  Most 4th-quarter TD’s in a season.  Big fucking deal.  Call me when Eli Manning bulks up to the size of a linebacker & can run a 4.4 40 time.  Let me know when he’s comfortable enough with his manhood to be a little bi-curious or rock warm, furry boots without shame.  Has he ever experienced a little rapity-rape or killed Lassie?  Is he a dancer?  A virgin?  An overrated choke artist whose last name rhymes with Homo?  Can’t he just lose the Opie gimmick and sound a little more like James Earl Jones?  Nope.  All he does is play football with his mouth shut.  Just leads his team, while playing under the biggest microscope in sports, to a pair of improbable championships in a 5-year span like an unassuming doof.  And anyone who knows anything knows you can’t possibly be considered one of the greats unless you’re cool.  Right?

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