2 Super Bowl rings. 7 straight post-season victories away from home. Most 4th-quarter TD’s in a season. Big fucking deal. Call me when Eli Manning bulks up to the size of a linebacker & can run a 4.4 40 time. Let me know when he’s comfortable enough with his manhood to be a little bi-curious or rock warm, furry boots without shame. Has he ever experienced a little rapity-rape or killed Lassie? Is he a dancer? A virgin? An overrated choke artist whose last name rhymes with Homo? Can’t he just lose the Opie gimmick and sound a little more like James Earl Jones? Nope. All he does is play football with his mouth shut. Just leads his team, while playing under the biggest microscope in sports, to a pair of improbable championships in a 5-year span like an unassuming doof. And anyone who knows anything knows you can’t possibly be considered one of the greats unless you’re cool. Right?