Jeter Arrested For Fucking Livestock, Using The Old “I Just Finger-Blasted Her” Defense

Posted: March 13 @ 12:00pm by 610 in Bolivian
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[KFOR]  Authorities in Murray County have charged a 77-year-old man for violating a show pig at an agriculture barn located on the property of Davis Public Schools. Court documents state Jimmy “Hawkeye” Jeter of Davis was caught on surveillance video inside the barn. Records state Jeter “walked into the pen, unzipped his pants, appeared to pull something out of his pants, then bent over the gilt (female pig).” During an interview with investigators, documents state Jeter “said he was not trying to poison the gilt” and stated “I just stuck my finger up her private. That’s all I did.” Authorities say Jeter admitted he “poured corn out to hold the gilt still” and that he “did this in the early 70s.” Court documents state Jeter also admitted that he got sexual gratification from the incident. Jeter was arrested and booked into the Murray County Jail. He was charged with detestable and abominable crime against nature. This isn’t Jeter’s first run-in with the law.  He served time for stealing cattle in 2008 and was arrested in in 2011 for attempting to steal horses which lead to a felony charge of larceny of domestic animals.

“I just stuck my finger up her private.  That’s all I did.”  That’s a mistake you learn not to make in Basic Bullshitting 101 right there, folks.  You’d think Jeter would be a little smarter than this. You can’t just offer up that kinda info right off the bat – now you got nothing to work up to except, “OK, OK, I smashed that virgin swine’s hymen”.  I mean anyone who knows anything knows you don’t tell the fuzz anything close to the truth the first time they ask.  You start with the most blatant lie possible and make them work the “truth” out of you.  Something like, “Pig?  What the fuck’s a pig?” and have the detectives bribing you with smokes & Pepsi for hours on end until you finally cop to the finger bang. Make them feel like they Jedi mind-tricked you, Hawkeye.  Take the lesser charge on the chin and you’ll be out baiting gilts with corn and railing pork relentlessly in no time.  We’ve all been there, Jeter.  No one wants to admit to banging a pig.  But the better course of action would’ve been “deny, deny, deny” instead of “I just played a little ‘come hither’ in that pig’s birth canal”.

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