[happyplace] A 17-year-old would-be robber who struck an adult novelties shop in DeBary on Wednesday was arrested, deputies say, after he filled out a job application with his real name. Deputies say the teen walked into Cupid’s Corner on Charles R. Beall Boulevard about 7:20 p.m., then pulled a handgun and told the 32-year-old clerk: “Give me all your money.” The clerk, however, talked the boy out of the robbery and offered to give him a job if he’d put the gun away, deputies say. The teen pocketed the gun and filled out an application. The teen explained that he was down on his luck and trying to help his grandparents pay their bills. The suspect and clerk hugged, deputies say, and smoked a cigarette together. Deputies say the clerk told the teen she wanted to get a drink from a nearby convenience store. There, she called 911 to report the robbery. The teen left before deputies arrived. The teenager was found walking a few streets south of the sex shop, deputies say, and confessed to the robbery. He claimed the weapon, which hasn’t been located, was a BB gun.
This sums up being a teen just perfectly, doesn’t it? Just all hormones and no brain. Kid could’ve had a perfect plan, rehearsed it dozens of times, went over it in his head the whole way there, walked into the porn shop, then, suddenly… Tits. All bets are off at that point. It doesn’t matter if you’re like Danny Ocean and build a replica of the store to iron out every detail of the heist. Once a 17 year old is face to face with real live snatch, blood flow pulls an about face and heads right down the happy trail. Your John Thomas stiffens while your brain turns to mush. Don’t judge, because we all would have handled it the same way.
The real asshole here is the clerk. She was actually successful in convincing this kid to take a better path. Made him believe that he couldn’t solve all his problems with a gun and he should work his way through them, honestly. Even gave him an opportunity to start on the right foot… by working in a store and being surrounded by boobies all day. Kid was about to turn his life around. It could have been a real inspiring story. Then she was like, “Nah, I’m fucking with you dude. Fuzz is on the way.” Lesson learned: never trust a broad. Life’s a cold game.