[9 News] A car crash victim pronounced dead by paramedics but later found to be alive has been taken off the critical list. The 30-year-old Hawthorn man was critically injured after his Porsche and a four-wheel drive collided near Bacchus Marsh, west of Melbourne, about 2am (AEST) on Sunday. He was moments away from being taken to the morgue when rescue volunteers disregarded paramedics’ advice, discovering he was still alive. The man has been fighting for his life in the Royal Melbourne Hospital but his condition has improved slightly to serious but stable. The man had been pronounced dead for more than an hour and covered in a plastic tarp when State Emergency Service (SES) volunteers found a pulse. They had earlier seen the man’s body shudder and twitch as he hung upside down from his mangled car, but were reassured by paramedics that movement from a corpse was not unusual.
I guess this type of shit happens in all walks of life. People so self-assured that they don’t even leave a glimpse of a possibility they might be wrong. There’s zero doubt this paramedic will even acknowledge he made a mistake, either:
Paramedic: “He’s dead, bro.”
SES: “Listen, I can see why you’d think that but I’m pretty sure he moved. We should check again to be sure.”
Paramedic: “Hey asshole, I don’t know who you think you’re talking to but I know a dead dude when I see one. Dead bodies moving happens all the time.”
SES: “He’s alive!”
Paramedic: “Oh. Well, people rise from the dead all the time. There’s this guy…what’s his name…oh yeah, Jesus motherfucking Christ!”
SES: “Wait – are you saying this is The Resurrection?”
Paramedic: “Prove me wrong. Happy Easter.”
Luckily for me, I don’t know any asshole like this.