Can you believe this shit? All day yesterday it’s like a construction site next door, and apparently it was for this fucking desk crane. Why? Because, as my pal puts it, “Sometimes I get tired of sitting down.” Listen, I know the rap IT guys get. We’re creeps. Dorks. Whatever. My office doesn’t look much different than his, so the depressing plain-ness of it all doesn’t do much to refute those claims. But a fucking desk crane? So you can stand up and work? What the fuck, bro? How old do you have to be to get TIRED of SITTING? Guy’s 4 months older than me. Is this what I have to look forward to? Jesus Christ. If you’re bored or tired of sitting and need to stand, I get it. That’s when you take a stroll. Go somewhere and chat for a few. I’m right next door, Jake. Come on by. And I know what you do at work. We instant message about iB, Barstool, BootyVote & how awesome it is to make so much money for doing nothing. You can afford to take a timeout from that shit if you need a stretch. This is easily the most unnecessary thing I’ve seen for a 30-something non-cripple. Whenever I walk by his office and he’s standing up with his face buried in dual monitors, I’m whipping a mouse at his nuts.