[ABC] The Heart Attack Grill in Las Vegas has lived up to its name, yet again. A woman is recovering after she collapsed at the restaurant Saturday night. The woman, a Las Vegas resident in her 40s, was eating a double bypass burger, smoking cigarettes and having a margarita, said the restaurant’s owner, Jon Basso. She was found unconscious at the restaurant and during the resuscitation, said Basso, who’s been following her condition. She’s doing okay and is now recovering at the hospital he said. With customers from around the world, “It’s the mecca for unhealthy lifestyles,” he said. The seven-year-old restaurant was just awarded the Guinness World Record for “Highest Calorie Hamburger” for its 9,983 calorie “Quadruple Bypass Burger.” The Heart Attack Grill offers menu items like the Butterfat Shake and fries deep fried in lard. They let anyone eat for free who weighs over 350 pounds, determining their weight after they step on one of the restaurant’s cattle scales. A year ago, the restaurant’s nearly 600 pound spokesmodel died at the age of 29 years old. In February, a male customer in his 40s suffered a heart attack after eating the 6,000 calorie “Triple Bypass Burger.” Surprisingly, little medical evidence proves that eating one of the over-the-top burgers can cause an immediate heart attack. “There is some evidence that a high-fat meal can transiently affect the blood vessels – but little support for the idea that a high-fat meal can trigger a heart attack,” said Dr. Harlan Krumholz, professor of medicine at Yale University. “Poor diet certainly does seem that it can contribute to risk over time, but no one has yet shown that it has an immediate effect that can precipitate the heart attack,” said Krumholz. The Heart Attack Grill’s owner has had a single bypass burger every day since the restaurant opened. “It’s a lifestyle issue,” said Basso. “We attract the avant-garde of lifestyle seekers.”
Remember when I was talking about how fat people fascinate me? THIS is how you live your fat disgusting life. Just squeezing all your fat rolls into a booth at the Heart Attack Grill scarfing down your double bypass burger while puffing a Marlboro & swilling a margarita. Fuck. Yes. I hope FatsoFantastic is reading this and isn’t having his blubbery carcass fork lifted out of his bed. Go big or go home, right you hideously obese bastard? The owner of this joint is like the Jack Kevorkian of gluttonous pigs, and I support him. People fantasize about the way they want to die all the time. For me, before I knew what a vagina was, I used to pretend I died on the baseball field making a diving catch in Game 7 of the World Series to save a 3-run lead with the bases juiced and 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th. Nowadays, a painless heart attack while catching a beej with a Yuengling in hand watching the Blueshirts hoist the Cup seems like a solid option. But that’s just me. For blimps, I’m hard-pressed to think of a better way then a 10k calorie burger with a smoke & a margarita. The Heart Attack Grill is their pearly gate.