So I just got back from a week in Florida and, outside of getting eye-fucked by Cinderella at Disney World, my next-fondest recollection is watching the flight attendants go through what is undoubtedly the most meaningless 3 minutes of any job in existence before taking off. And at the pace they blow through the oxygen masks & flotation devices, they obviously know it. These cunts up front just babble and do their rubber band mask dance knowing about 6% of the passengers are actually paying attention. Doesn’t matter who’s watching. Why? Because you’ve never come across a news story where anyone survive a plane crash. You’ve never seen your local newscast with a reporter interviewing some dude with a couple of scrapes & an inflated “U” over their necks in front of a fiery wreck thanking the safety lessons provided by Jet Blue. Listen, honey, if we crash we’re dead. I know it, and so do you – otherwise, you guys would be taking these how-to’s a little more serious. I’m talking post-lesson volunteers and a pop-quiz. I mean this bitch on my flight had the balls to say “Don’t worry of your oxygen bag doesn’t inflate…oxygen IS flowing.” So what we’re agreeing with is that no one is exactly sure how these things are supposed to work mid-nosedive? OK cool, thanks. Can we just take off a couple minutes earlier and cut the shit? Anyone who knows anything knows that, if I somehow survive a plummet into the Atlantic, the whiny infant in 7B is gonna make a much better flotation device for me, anyway. Oh, and while we’re at it, stop trying to tell me my seat reclined 3″ is dangerous. I just put it right back after you tell me to sit up straight.