Is Soccer Goalie The Easiest Job In All Of Sports?

Posted: May 22 @ 12:00pm by 610 in Bolivian

Almost, buddy…

What exactly comprises the skill set of a successful soccer goalie?  Serious question.  Only thing I can think of is “exceptional guesser”.  Like at soccer goalie school you’re pounded with coin flips and roshambo before setting foot on the pitch.  You get, what, 6-7 shots a game, right?  Most of those saves are cake dribblers rolling right to you, and the goal or 2 that gets by are pretty much a gimmie since you take up exactly 1/1000th of a soccer net.  I feel like most goals are impossible to save – so the failure bar is pretty low.  All you have to do is not knock the ball in your own net & get in the way of a couple balls accidentally miraculously and presto!  You’re now Hope Solo naked for ESPN.  What a gig.  You’re involved in about 1:30 of a 90-minute match and the extent of your expectations are not to let the ball roll between your legs or score on yourself.  Anything else is just crossing your fingers.  Look no further than a penalty kick.  It’s common to go the exact opposite way of the ball.  Completely fine to do your job completely backwards.  That’s awesome.  And if you actually guess right & fulfill your sole responsibility of keeping the ball out of your net?  You’re a god damn hero. Bottom line is, if your squad’s D cedes a quality scoring chance, there’s nothing skillful a goalie can do about it.  This all stems from a highlight I saw on ESPN the other day where some dude absolutely drilled a goalie in the face with a missile from like 15′ away. Pretty sure the other team buried the rebound, but unintentionally eating that first boot was basically the best that guy could’ve done at his job.  Find me another line of work where you’re expected NOT to do it & success is an accident, then sign me the fuck up.  Maybe a weatherman?

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