[Seattle Times] Canadian conservation officers have euthanized a black bear which they think ate the remains of a convicted murderer. British Columbia Environment Minister Terry Lake said Monday the bear’s description matched that of one seen guarding a cache that contained human remains. Lake says the animal was put down because bears remember food sources. Officials suspect the bear pulled the body of Rory Wagner, 54, from his car after he died on a remote logging road. Wagner pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in 1994. He and two others were charged with a killing a man who they believed had sexually assaulted a family member. He served his prison time and was released. Wagner was reported missing May 23. Police say his death was not suspicious. Hunters found the site last week.
So, in summation, sometime in the 90’s some guy diddled some kid and got off… then got off on the charges. A few family members formed a posse and murdered the dude. One of them plead guilty, went to jail, served his time, was released and died on some road out in the middle of nowhere. Then, a bear who happened to be wandering along, pulled his corpse out of his car and ate some of him. Canadian Mounties then killed the bear who ate the guy who touched the kid. Did I get all that right? Jesus Hopscotching Christ, that’s why I love bear stories so much. You never hear a boring story about a bear clawing a camper to death because he was messing with his cubs or something. It’s always some guy taking a shit while having his noggin gnawed… or some girl texting her mom as she’s getting her limbs chomped to the bone… or some already dead vigilante kid diddling killer being pulled from his car and turned into bear food. Those furry fucks really have a knack for the dramatics.
PS – The one thing that really disappointed me about this story though is that the murderer actually got sentenced. I legitimately thought it was legal to murder pedophiles. I knew you could be charged and everything, but I thought there was some sort of law where you could instantly have your case thrown out, like when you kill in self defense or murder a homeless person.