This Is The Most Bullshit “Jerking Off In Your Driveway” Story I’ve Ever Read

Posted: June 12 @ 5:00pm by 610 in Bolivian

[TC Palm]  A man accused of walking naked in his driveway while performing an intimate act on himself and “working real hard at it” was arrested, according to recently released records. A man identified as Jeffery Marriott, 50, was spotted May 30 by a woman looking out the window of her home on Southwest Cherryhill Road in Port St. Lucie. The dude accused in what could be construed as a nude lewd interlude was “walking back and forth masturbating in the driveway, the front yard and between the trucks,” the woman stated to police. Further, the woman said the naked man had his sexual organ “in his hand working real hard at it,” a report states. Generally speaking, “walking back and forth masturbating in the driveway, the front yard and between the trucks” is not a socially acceptable practice. Police got no answer at the front door of Marriott’s listed address, noting an “unknown clear liquid substance” on the door’s knob. A woman identified as Marriott’s girlfriend told police she’d been sleeping for three hours. Marriott said he and his girlfriend went to the beach and a store to return a tent before coming home and napping together for three hours. The girlfriend, however, said she was the only person in bed. Asked why he was sweating while his girlfriend was not, Marriott said the air conditioning was set at 82. Marriott was arrested on a misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs charge.

Really?  The dude got arrested because he was sweaty and there was a little Vaseline on the knob? Of the door?  That’s the evidence to support the claims of some lifeless broad staring at her window all day imagining her handsome neighbor beating off in his driveway with max effort?  Come on.  Like masturbating is the only source of perspiration in Florida and Vaseline has no other usage other than lubing up your palm for a dick tug.  Get the fuck out of my face with that shit.  Jeff was having a great day.  A little sun & sand with the old lady before a trip to the store and a nap seems like a far cry from the precursor to assaulting your genitals for all to see and “working real hard at it”.  I don’t see any reference to a video or pics – just some creepy lady analyzing a supposed jerk fest like she was Mel Kiper on draft day.  “Maybe not the most skilled masturbator we’ve seen, but Jeffery Marriott’s got the heart & desire to work real hard at it…”  It’s all bullshit.  Besides, anyone who knows anything knows you face rape your sleeping girlfriend before stroking it in the driveway 10 out of 10 times.

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