[NBC] To beat homelessness and its accompanying social ills, San Francisco city officials have a cunning plan. Release the hounds! Dogs will be issued to single-room occupancy hotel residents who can prove that they’re capable of providing care, according to the San Francisco Chronicle — and with the dogs, a $50 to $75 weekly stipend to cover dog food and other canine necessities, the newspaper reported. The idea is aptly named WOOF — Wonderful Opportunities for Occupants and Fidos, according to Bevan Dufty, who is serving as Mayor Ed Lee’s homeless czar. Starting Aug. 1, dogs from local shelters will be available to formerly homeless people living in city-funded SROS or other housing, the newspaper reported. In order to receive a dog, and the cash, the would-be owner must “not [be] severely mentally ill,” not be a hoarder, not have a history of violence, and be “seeking treatment if they have addictions,” the newspaper reported. They must also swear not to panhandle. “If they’re caught begging with the puppy, the animal will be taken back to the shelter,” the newspaper reported. The city is taking this tact because there’s “anecdotal evidence to suggest the majority of panhandlers are housed, but supplement their income through begging or just don’t have anything else to occupy their time,” the newspaper reported. The dogs will change that.
Jesus Christ, San Fran. What did puppies ever do to you to become sacrificial lambs in your bullshit WOOF program? Let’s see…how can we counter the homeless panhandling plaguing our city? Oh I got it, I got it – we can give them dogs! I mean what better to give potentially mentally ill – not severely of course, just a little bit – people without the means to support themselves while navigating through the peaks & valleys of addiction the additional responsibility of a pooch. Forget their track record of blowing up whatever family & friend relationships they’ve had in the past. I’m sure that, under Project WOOF, bums will prioritize their new pals. They’ll undoubtedly spend every last cent of their $50-$75 weekly stipend on Milk Bones & Purina instead of meth or crack rock and, of course, quit begging for money. It’s amazing no one’s ever thought of this before. Oh that’s right, because everyone else knows all that’ll result from this is a bunch of starving canines being used as currency, fuck holes or a snack during a bath salt binge.