This Dude Just Can’t Stop Fucking Teddy Bears In Public

Posted: June 19 @ 12:00pm by 610 in Bolivian

[Smoking Gun]  For the fourth time in the past two years, a Cincinnati man has been arrested for masturbating in public with the aid of a teddy bear, records show. Charles Marshall, 28, was arrested Wednesday evening after employees at a health clinic spotted him pleasuring himself in an alley. Marshall, pictured in the adjacent mug shot, was cited for disorderly conduct. Municipal Court records show that Marshall has already been convicted three times of engaging in public indecency/disorderly conduct with a teddy bear. The misdemeanor counts resulted in short jail sentences and small fines for Marshall. Marshall was first busted in February 2010 when witnesses spotted him engaged “with a teddy bear in mens bathroom” at a public library (which prompted a judge to order him to “stay away all Hamilton Co. public libraries”). He was again arrested in November 2010 and August 2011 for “masturbating w/a stuffed animal (teddy bear)” and “masturbating using a teddy bear in a public place where minors were likely to be present.” It is unclear whether cops this week seized Marshall’s teddy bear (or even if they would want to). If so, fellow Cincinnatians should look for him at an area Toys “R” Us.

If this is viral marketing for the movie “Ted”, well done Marky Mark.  Anyway, the teddy bear brings up an interesting question.  The police reports state that Charlie Marshall was “masturbating” with the stuffed animal – not making love to it.  I find that interesting because, although I’m not a stuffed toy savant, I don’t think they make Teddy Ruxpins with a kung fu grip.  So he was obviously fucking it, yet they deemed it whacking off.  Why?  Is the line between coitus & jerking simply a pulse?  Like I never heard anyone busted for masturbating with a vagina or butt hole.  Whether it be a human or a goat, that’s called rape all day, every day.  All I’m saying is, in a world where most of our childhoods revolve at some point around a favorite stuffed animal, they should have a little more respect when it comes to the law.  It’s not right for someone to be able to force himself on FOUR unwilling teddys in 2 and a half years.  Despicable.  Unless it was the same bear and they’re just spicing up their sex life with a little exhibitionism every now and then.  If that’s the case, then my bad, Charlie.

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