Australia On The Lookout For The Big-Boobed Bandit

Posted: July 2 @ 3:00pm by 610 in Bolivian

[9 News]  A woman who held up a Gold Coast service station with a knife this morning made a number of big errors along the way that will help police identify her. Not only did she forget to hide her face, she also wore a revealing top and a glove to conceal her fingerprints on the wrong hand. She entered the Arundel store on Brisbane Road about 12.30am and demanded cash from the attendant. “There were a number of serious threats to harm the attendant and she fled with a small amount of money,” a police spokesman told Nine News. She was wearing a glove on her knife-wielding hand in an attempt to hide her finger prints. The store employee fought back by hurling things at the woman as she fled outside, where police say a man was waiting for her in a 4WD.

Wait, is this actual surveillance tape or a Bang Bros. teaser?  Either way, I got my hands sticky before it was over so I guess it doesn’t matter.  Anyway, this robbery is equivalent to Bill Gates roughing up a decrepit homeless WWII vet for the 37 cents in his dingy Styrofoam cup.  I can only assume the same rules apply for blondes with tremendous ta-tas in Australia, but I know here those attributes are basically unlimited currency.  Don’t get me wrong, whatever this slut & her sweater puppies want would have to be semi-reasonable, but look at those bad boys.  Just mammoth mammaries fighting their way out the top of her shirt for freedom.  Let ’em loose, sweetheart, and the world is yours.  I mean how doesn’t she know this?  Pull your melons out, S & F some D and you’re gonna rake in way more than the $27.50 and pack of Skittles you lifted from the gas station MINUS the jail time.  Chicks are so retarded*.

* – if you’re reading this, big-boobed bandit, I’m just kidding. You look very intelligent and I want you for your mind.

  1. Cracker says:

    How you gonna overlook the dude in the truck waiting for Burglar-Big-Boobs over here?…Now that’s pimpin! “Bitch I’m done titty fucking ya in this gas station parking lot, go get me a Foster’s oil can and $27Aus” (Australian money, that’s like a million dollars in the US).

    PS – been to Australia and they don’t really drink Foster’s…mostly Cooper’s and surprisingly Budweiser; also, no Outback steakhouses.

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