[Sarasota] The Sarasota Police Department made an arrest of a shoplifter on April 10, 2013 at 7:15 PM at Publix. Employees of Publix witnessed Christopher Seiler, white male, date of birth: 11/16/67, place 10 cans of Axe Deodorant in his pants and attempt to leave the store without paying for them. The Security Guard for Publix confronted Seiler who ran out of the store and tried to get on a black bicycle to get away. The chain on the bicycle broke and Seiler fell to the ground, losing most of the cans of deodorant in his pants. The Security Guard grabbed Seiler and Seiler pushed the guard to the ground causing the guard to hit his head on the concrete. Seiler continued to fight the guard on the ground, but two citizens assisted the guard by pulling Seiler away. Seiler then fled into an apartment with the Security Guard in pursuit. Upon officer’s arrival, Seiler came out of the apartment where he was taken into custody and positively identified by employees of Publix. Seiler admitted to officers that he took the deodorant. The Security Guard was taken to Sarasota Memorial Hospital with minor injuries and has since been released. Christopher Seiler was arrested and charged with Resisting a Merchant, Battery, and Petit Theft.
Ordinarily, I question the character of anyone who uses anything other than Old Spice High Endurance Fresh. Not this time, though. You don’t necessarily have to agree with the goal in order to appreciate & respect someone’s dedication to it. Hitler may have had his priorities out of whack, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t applaud the commitment it took to parlay his own personal hatred for Jews into an entire army backing him in genocide & WWII. Christopher Seiler reminds me of Hitler. Their goals were just as lofty. One dreamed of an Aryan race, the other of escaping from Publix undetected with 10 cans of Axe jingling in what must have been his Hammer pants. Hitler overcame multiple assassination attempts, Seiler a broken bicycle chain & a rent-a-cop. They both fought against all odds and came way closer to success than anyone would’ve given them credit for. Obviously cooking Jews & wearing Axe body spray are heinous things to do, but that shouldn’t blind you to their legendary displays of determination.