[KPTV] A thief broke into multiple cars in the Bluff neighborhood of Sandy and stole some items rarely seen in police reports: sex toys. Sandy police said there are at least five victims, but one woman had the most embarrassing police report. ”I can’t believe it,” said Chelsey Coutts, about her sedan trunk being broken into. “I’m still in shock.” And beyond the shock of a rare theft on her quiet street Monday, Coutts said she couldn’t believe she had to tell police what someone stole. ”It was horrible. (The officer) kind of started laughing, but he felt bad so he asked me to describe everything in detail, and it was just horrible,” Coutts said. Coutts had been storing a cache of items that took her months and about $500 to collect for a bachelorette party this weekend. ”I’ve been storing it in my trunk because I have two little ones and didn’t want them to see all the dirty things in there,” said Coutts. “Lots of toys, blow-up items, all kinds of goodies.” ”It broke my heart,” said Haleigh Kirby, the bride-to-be, about the theft. “Chelsey’s worked so hard for so long on all this, and she’s done a really good job, and it’s just sad to see someone come and take all that away like that. I don’t even know what they could use it for.” Coutts said she’s thankful for many donations she’s already received to replace the items lost.
Man, bride-to-be Haleigh is in for a fucking treat. For however long she’s known Chelsey, she’s known who was gonna be in charge of her bachelorette party. The hot blonde of the group who, if I can be judgmental for a moment, is the poster child for your everyday slut. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s not even the maid of honor. Tough to trust her with any responsibility at the actual wedding when she’s a lock to be drunk as shit with her hands against a urinal getting railed by a bartender during the speeches.
No one better to plan the bash, though. The kind of girl to round up $500 of dildos, butt plugs, anal beads, tickle feathers, ball gags, vibrators, fuzzy cuffs & edible undies. The kind of girl with enough sense to hide the goodies from her kids but, when the stash is stolen, she gets dolled up to share her “embarrassing” story with the public & racks up an undoubtedly bigger collection from donations. Chelsey’s dedication is remarkable – but no surprise to Haleigh. That’s why she was chosen. The surprise will come for Miss “I Don’t Even Know What They Could Use It For” when she’s bound to the hotel bed and Chelsey’s jackhammering her with a Lex Steele clone while her other friends feather her asshole, pour wax on her tits & hover over her face wearing nothing but edible undies. Because that’s what happens at bachelorette parties.