Posts Tagged ‘accident’

via YouTube:

At 2,500 feet, my jump partner flairs his canopy causing it slow down rapidly. I entangle with it and he cuts away. Unable to fly a ball of nylon effectively, I impact a cornfield breaking my pelvis, back and neck causing instant paralysis. As I lay waiting for help, spinal shock begins to set in paralyzing my diaphragm and breathing on my own becomes impossible. Rescue breathing is performed as I lose consciousness. Paramedics arrive and I’m med-flighted to UW Hospital in Madison, Wisconsin where I awake days later after surgery and begin life as a quadriplegic. It’s taken me four and a half years to be able to watch this video.

Stupid Hurts

Edit: I did deploy my reseve; it’s the blue ball of nylon tangled in my lines.”

I’m never going to go skydiving, ever. My sphincter contracts like a boa constrictor if I climb up a ladder higher than two stories. Make fun of me if you will, but I’m perfectly happy down here where the ground can only hit me from 5 feet, 10 inches away… Fine, 5’8″. Oh, that reminds me… (more…)

[HP] After horrific experience with a sex toy sent her to the hospital, a Northern California woman is a suing a Southern California “marital aid” manufacturer for personal injury and emotional duress. Yreka resident April Bonjour states in her suit that, late last year, she and her boyfriend were using a vibrator made by Pipedream Products when she suddenly noticed that something was wrong. “During usage I felt a sharp pain inside my vagina,” she wrote. “My boyfriend quickly removed the toy, it was covered with blood.” Bonjour initially thought she might have just started her period, but she realized something else was definitely happening when she continued to lose blood to the point where she began slipping in and out of consciousness. “My son was woken up so we could go to the hospital,” she wrote. “He thought it I was dying…[and] quite frankly so did I.” Once at the hospital, Bonjour’s condition stabilized after she was administered several pints of blood. After the incident, Bonjour attempted to get some compensation from the Pipedreams, but the company refused and she filed suit. SF Weekly notes that that Pipedream’s official company motto is, “We Don’t Make the Orgasm…We Make the Orgasm BETTER!”

Is anyone else having a hard time wrapping their head around this? I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on sex toys, I barely know how to use my own tool. But when your girlfriend is gushing from her gash, you’re doing something wrong. Well, unless she’s a squirter. Then you’re doing it right. The only way something like this could happen (more…)

MALONE, N.Y. — A New York man who had abused his ex-girlfriend and then plotted to kill her and make it look like she had been mauled by a bear was sentenced to prison for trying to hire someone to kill her in a staged car crash. Clyde Gardner gave up on his first idea: Kill a bear, skin it and wear the pelt while using its claws to kill the woman as she took out her garbage. The plan included him wearing the bear’s paws on his feet so no human footprints would be left behind. Prosecutors said the 57-year-old junkyard owner had carefully watched his ex-girlfriend’s movements, hiding in the woods with binoculars to learn her routines after she kicked him out of the house they shared in Malone, near the Canadian border. When he abandoned the first plan, Gardner approached a friend and gave him a picture of the woman, her license plate number and $500 toward a $15,000 bounty to kill her in a car crash. Gardner, an experienced demolition derby driver, advised the man how to make it look like an accident. He also told him that if the crash didn’t kill the woman, he should take a piece of broken glass and slit her throat, Franklin County Assistant District Attorney Elizabeth Crawford said. The acquaintance went to police, who sent him back wearing a hidden recorder to get Gardner on tape talking about the grisly plan.

If I know anything about killing a loved one, it’s that you never, ever, under any circumstances let anyone else in on the plan. Unless you’re friends with a professional hitman, chances are your buddy’s gonna rat you out. Believe it or not, not every acquaintance you make is as down with murder as you are. But you’re pretty much headed for failure to begin with if (more…)

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Hey Officer Asshole pay attention.  You got a bunch of good samaritans risking their lives to save a stranger and you’re concerned about waving traffic by?  No, no, no, we got this – no need to jump in when the car is already sideways thanks in part to some 90 pound chick in yoga pants.   (more…)

Whoa.  Did that lady get up and just walk away?  Is that her around 42 seconds?  Crazy.  And why was the driver diving out the door mid-spin?  Why did the broad and kid run off?  If I was creative and/or motivated I’d script a story to answer all of this, but I’m not – so the video will have to do.  Feel free to pen your own tale in the comments…

What a dick. Who takes the day off after a long weekend? How am I supposed to ease into the week if I’m supposed to take care of the entire blog myself? I was going to put it in cruise control today, maybe put a video of a guy getting kicked in the balls or something… maybe a funny pic with a one liner… then just call it a day. We need some sort of employee handbook at the into BOLIVIAN headquarters because I do not appreciate this short notice. I did feel a little better though when 610 sent me this video of him at Splish Splash (well, that and dumping an entire tube of crazy glue into his fleshlight… don’t try telling me where and how I can jerk it). Skip to 35 seconds in:

[AOL]  Motorcycle accidents are certainly scary — but police in Florida say they’re not the work of the boogeyman. After being found trapped underneath a motorcycle on the side of a road in Naples, a man accused of drunken driving told police that an imaginary monster was responsible for the mishap. Deputies from the Collier County Sheriff’s Office responding to reports of a motorcycle wreck at around 2 p.m. on June 12 encountered a suspect described as “highly aggressive and combative”. The victim of the crash, identified as James Scarborough, was transported to a hospital for minor injuries. When an officer arrived at the hospital, he heard “yelling and screaming coming from” Scarborough’s room. The deputy confronted the 49-year-old suspect — who reportedly gave off “a strong odor of alcohol” and had a flushed face, bloodshot watery eyes and “slurred and mushmouthed” speech — and asked him about the motorcycle crash. “He seemed confused and repeatedly told me that he was not in an accident today,” the officer noted in the document. “I asked him how he got stuck under his bike and he stated that it was the Boogey Man. I asked him who was the Boogey Man and he said he didn’t know.”

Fabio’s fallen off big time since his ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ campaign came to a close, but that doesn’t mean the cops have to point and laugh at the dude because he got fucked up by the Boogeyman.  Why is that so hard to believe?  Hasn’t everyone had a run-in with the Boogeyman?   (more…)