Posts Tagged ‘balls’

[CBC]  Students at an east-end Toronto school are being told to leave their soccer balls — and other hard balls — at home. The principal of Earl Beatty Public School banned the balls this week after a parent recently suffered a concussion from being hit in the head with a soccer ball. The principal, Alicia Fernandez, banned hard balls, claiming they’re dangerous. “Kids were coming in complaining of injury, or being scared,” she said. The ban went into effect two weeks ago. Students can bring sponge or other soft balls to play with, but soccer balls, footballs, baseballs and even tennis balls are not allowed for safety reasons. But some parents say the ban is excessive and unfair to children who like to play outside. “I wasn’t surprised personally,” said Diana Symonds who has a son going to the school. “My husband freaked right out. He thought, this is absolutely insane.” Chris Stateski, who has a son in Grade 2 and a daughter in Grade 4 at the school, said he was “disgusted” to hear about the ban, which he felt was an overreaction. “A lot of things could happen. A child could trip on the asphalt, a child could fall off the monkey bars and break their arm,” said Stateski, who also has a three-year-old. “So many things could happen. What are they going to do — cover the schoolyard in pillows and take all the doors off the hinges?” “It’s just too much.” Stateski said Wednesday he felt bad for the woman who was hurt, but he doesn’t feel the whole school should be penalized for one incident. “Unfortunately, it was an accident and accidents do happen,” he said, adding he doesn’t think the playground is that small.

Well when you walk out to a 2nd grade orgy by the swing set, you got no one else to blame but yourself Principal Fernandez.  What other options do they have at recess now?  No balls?  Why?  I don’t get why the kids have to sit outside and twiddle their thumbs.  They’re not hurting each other.   (more…)

[DailyMail] A woman who admitted biting off her boyfriend’s testicles has been warned she could be jailed. Maria Topp, 44, from Wreckenton, Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, pleaded guilty to grievous bodily harm at Newcastle Crown Court. She bit Martin Douglas, her partner of five years, during a drunken brawl at 4am at his flat in February. She was granted bail to be sentenced next month and Recorder Robin Mairs warned her: ‘All options are open and that will include locking you up.’ Mr Douglas needed emergency surgery to re-attach his genitals after the attack, which Topp remembers little about. The 45-year-old DJ had called 999 in excruciating pain from his Newcastle home to report his plight after the assault. Operators had struggled to understand what he was saying due to his condition during the call. Topp had been due to be tried by a jury at Newcastle Crown Court on a charge of causing grievous bodily harm with intent, which carries a maximum sentence of life imprisonment. Before a jury was sworn in the case Topp pleaded guilty to the lesser charge of causing grievous bodily harm, which carries a maximum penalty of five years behind bars, and was accepted by prosecutors. Gavin Doig, prosecuting, told the Crown Prosecution Service that the police officer in charge of the case and in particular the victim had been consulted before the lesser plea was accepted.

Could be jailed? Could be? Lock this bitch up for life. Listen, I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to scrotums. If I were prosecuting this broad, I’d be pushing for the death penalty, no question. Chicks just can’t comprehend the pain us fellas feel when we take a shot to the sack. They’re always going on and on about how giving birth is the worst pain and women are so much stronger for having to go through it. Fuck that. I’ve taken huge shits before (more…)

[Cleveland]  Judgement day for a Berea grandmother who assaulted her young grandson. On February 7th, Christine Bachmann duct-taped her seven-year-old grandson’s hands together behind his back and then to a bedpost. She struck him in the legs and grabbed and twisted the little boy’s genitals. This, after the little boy tried to kiss and hit his younger stepsister. Bachmann says she was trying to keep the child from hurting himself when he had a temper tantrum. Bachmann pleaded guilty to aggravated assault, endangering children and attempted abduction last month, but tried to take back that guilty plea in court on Monday. She claims she didn’t understand what she was doing. Judge John Russo didn’t buy Bachmann’s excuse, and sent her to the slammer for 60 days. The little boy’s mother defended Bachmann’s actions when confronted by 19 Action News Reporter Paul Orlousky. “What’s your reaction?” asked Orlousky. “It kind of upsets me because I know what her (Bachmann) intention was,” said the victim’s mother, Amy Pongello. “It was never to harm anyone. It was never to punish anyone.” Bachmann admits to the duct taping the child, but denies that she ever hit the boy or twisted his genitals as he claims. Judge Russo made an insightful observation. To duct tape the boy, Bachmann had to have some form of control over him already. So if the object was to simply control him, it had already been accomplished and the duct taping was unnecessary.

I don’t understand this little kid’s problem.  The judge may call this aggravated assault & endangering children but, considering the circumstances, she could have just as easily called it foreplay.  I mean if I’m in a situation where I’m trying to make out with & donkey punch some slut when another broad wants to get in on the kinky action by taping my hands behind my back & manipulating my member, bring it the fuck on.  The more the merrier.   (more…)

 Meet Caius Veiovis. The Massachusetts man, 31, and two cohorts are facing murder and kidnapping charges in connection with the deaths of three men, one of whom was expected to testify against one of the accused killers in an upcoming criminal trial. Veiovis and his codefendants are connected to a Hells Angels chapter, according to investigators. The three men were scheduled to be arraigned this morning in District Court. While the “666” forehead tattoo is self explanatory, the significance of those foosball-sized implants is unknown.

I think I want those things.  Not because it looks cool, but because I’m certain you have to be a unique level of crazy to exhaust time and money on golf ball implant surgery.  I want to know what it’s like to be that insane.  Murder & face tats are a dime a dozen – getting plums buried between your skin & skull is where it’s at.   (more…)

[publicola] Seattle police sent a man to Harborview for a mental evaluation after a bizarre arson incident at a downtown Seattle park early Wednesday morning. Police and firefighters were called to Prefontaine Place Park at 3rd and Yesler just before 12:30 am September 7th. When police arrived, they found a man wearing “crotchless chaps-style spandex with his genitals and buttocks showing,” a police report says. The man had lit a fire in the fountain—which has been broken and empty for several years, according to a Parks Department spokeswoman—and was ”straddling the fire, letting the flames hit his genitals and buttocks.” One officer heard the man say ”we are having a weenie roast” as he thrust his hips back and forth over the flame. Mostly, though, the report notes that the man was mumbling incoherently. Firefighters arrived on scene and doused the fire. Police then had the man involuntarily committed at Harborview.

Jesus Christ. Why on earth would anyone want to roast their own chestnuts over an open fire? I remember when my college roommate introduced me to the concept of Frosty Balls… when you give your nuggets a nice dusting of baby powder after you get out of the shower to make them nice and fresh and prevent sweating… you’ve heard of it, right? Well, he neglected to tell me (more…)

People always talk about having big balls like the bigger they are, the more of a badass you are. But imagine your balls being so big that your shit just sits on them? Sucks. I really hope nothing blog-worthy happens over the weekend so this picture just sits up here for a few days. Your weekly dose of search results after the jump. (more…)

[Smoking Gun]  Meet Samuel Fazio. When Colorado cops arrived Monday at a Mesa County home to arrest him, the 22-year-old began grappling with officers in an attempt to flee. When Fazio ignored repeated orders to stop resisting, a sheriff’s deputy employed an unorthodox tactic to control him. “I reached between his legs and grabbed his testicles until he stopped resisting and we were able to place him in handcuffs,”reported Deputy Hassan Hassan. “Constant pressure was not applied to Fazio in this manuever as I let up as soon as he quit resisting and gained compliance.” Hassan added that his testicle grab lasted only a few seconds. While not taught in the police academy, sheriff’s department officials have defended the gonad grab as an appropriate way to control an unruly suspect like Fazio (who elbowed Hassan in the face during the scrum, causing lacerations on the deputy’s lips). It is unclear whether deputies are considering future use of related practices like the purple nurple or the atomic wedgie.

“WE” were able to place him in handcuffs?  Hey it’s good to see the academy paid off.  Multiple police applied exactly 0% of their combat skills to get a 150-lb dude’s hands behind his back.  I mean who wouldn’t rather take an elbow to the donut hole & a handful of yam bag as opposed to a quick tase or a baton swat?   (more…)