Posts Tagged ‘bear’

Nice… I knew another bear story would come across my desk eventually. I totally get where this furry pawed dude is coming from too. I was away on the West Coast for ten days with no access to real pizza. I checked into a hotel in Monterey late one night and the only thing open was some pizza shop across the street that the girl at the hotel desk described as “fantastic”. I don’t know what made me believe her, but I gave it a shot. Obviously it was awful. I just can’t understand why NY is the only place to get consistently good pizza. Makes no sense. And before some jerk-off from Boston or Connecticut or somewhere says they have a pizza joint in their state that’s better than NY pizza, you don’t get it. First of all, you’re probably comparing it to Sbarro’s or some other shitty chain in Times Square. Second of all… I’m not talking about one pizza parlor. I’m talking about the ability to be within a mile radius of reasonably good pizza at any given moment. Big difference. Anyway, I’m not sure how this turned into a pizza rant, it was supposed to be about the bear. Well… I pretty much looked exactly like Yogi here as soon as I got home. Walked a few blocks to my local pizza guys and grabbed a couple of slices. The West Coast is nice, but it’s good to be home.

– Thanks Tony


MALONE, N.Y. — A New York man who had abused his ex-girlfriend and then plotted to kill her and make it look like she had been mauled by a bear was sentenced to prison for trying to hire someone to kill her in a staged car crash. Clyde Gardner gave up on his first idea: Kill a bear, skin it and wear the pelt while using its claws to kill the woman as she took out her garbage. The plan included him wearing the bear’s paws on his feet so no human footprints would be left behind. Prosecutors said the 57-year-old junkyard owner had carefully watched his ex-girlfriend’s movements, hiding in the woods with binoculars to learn her routines after she kicked him out of the house they shared in Malone, near the Canadian border. When he abandoned the first plan, Gardner approached a friend and gave him a picture of the woman, her license plate number and $500 toward a $15,000 bounty to kill her in a car crash. Gardner, an experienced demolition derby driver, advised the man how to make it look like an accident. He also told him that if the crash didn’t kill the woman, he should take a piece of broken glass and slit her throat, Franklin County Assistant District Attorney Elizabeth Crawford said. The acquaintance went to police, who sent him back wearing a hidden recorder to get Gardner on tape talking about the grisly plan.

If I know anything about killing a loved one, it’s that you never, ever, under any circumstances let anyone else in on the plan. Unless you’re friends with a professional hitman, chances are your buddy’s gonna rat you out. Believe it or not, not every acquaintance you make is as down with murder as you are. But you’re pretty much headed for failure to begin with if (more…)

[Helena IR]  A hunter attacked by a wounded grizzly in a Montana forest was killed not by the bear, but by a gunshot fired by a companion trying to save him, authorities said Friday. Lincoln County Sheriff Roby Bowe said an autopsy determined 39-year-old Steve Stevenson of Winnemucca, Nev., died of a single gunshot to the chest. The cause of death was determined by a medical examiner with the Montana State Crime Lab. The shot was fired by 20-year-old Ty Bell, also of Winnemucca, as he attempted to stop the bear’s attack. No charges are expected, Bowe said. The autopsy found bite marks on Stevenson’s leg caused by the bear. “We’re fairly convinced it was obviously an accident,” Bowe said. Bell and Stevenson were on a black bear hunting trip with two other people in a thickly forested region along the Montana-Idaho border when the attack occurred Sept. 16. The foursome had split into two-member teams, and early in the day Bell shot and wounded what he thought was a black bear, which are considered less aggressive than grizzly bears. Bell and Stevenson waited about 15 minutes until they thought the bear had died, then tracked the 400-pound grizzly into thick cover, according to Stevenson’s mother, Janet Price. When the bear turned on the men, Stevenson yelled at the animal to distract it and keep it from attacking Bell, Price told The Associated Press last week. When the animal instead went after Stevenson, Bell fired multiple shots trying to kill the animal, Bowe said. The bear also died. “Anytime you follow a wounded animal, but particularly a predator like a bear, you have to be very careful,” he said.

Hahahahaha.  Idiots.  No, I don’t hunt and no, I’m not one of those PETA freaks.  But it just seems like common sense to me that, if you’re gonna go out hunting a bear, you might lose.  Isn’t that part of the thrill?  If not, you might as well just use dynamite or maybe an aircraft assault with a couple of scuds into the forest.  I honestly don’t know why this is news.   (more…)

[missoulian] BILLINGS – Newly released recordings of 9-1-1 calls from hikers who came upon a fatal bear mauling in Yellowstone National Park reveal a harrowing scene in which the hikers heard a bear’s roar and a couple screaming before the man went silent and the woman continued to yell for help. Authorities released the recordings Tuesday along with a report from investigators that concluded the couple’s screaming and running possibly triggered the mauling of 57-year-old Brian Matayoshi. “It sounded like they were trying to scare the bear,” an unidentified male hiker told the 9-1-1 dispatcher. “I heard a man’s voice making loud, like, um, like animal noises. It sounded like he was trying to scare the bear and I heard a woman screaming. It sounded like she was scared.” In the immediate aftermath of the attack, park officials said the Matayoshis responded correctly when they encountered the bear along the park’s popular Wapiti Lake Trailhead. But following a two-month investigation, bear researchers and wildlife agents concluded the couple’s harried, 173-yard retreat after they encountered the bear may have played a role. “What possibly began as an attempt by the bear to assess the Matayoshis’ activities became a sustained pursuit of them as they fled running and yelling on the trail,” the investigation team report said.

Really park officials? They “responded correctly”? I’m no park ranger, but I’m pretty sure any response that leaves you shredded up in a bloody pulp is not correct. Personally, I’d never try making animal noises at a real wild animal. Because unless you’ve been studying Rosetta Stone for Bears for at least six months, you just have no idea what you’re saying. Brian may have thought he was saying, “Look Momma Bear, we were just hiking. We mean no harm and we’ll just be on our way now”. But really he said, “Hey dipshit bear, I’m going to rape and eat your cubs and then turn all of you into rugs and fur coats… unless you can stop me, pussy”. And that’ll get you mauled by a grizzly every time. It would be like if you went to Russia, got into a bar fight and a guy pulled a pistol on you. You wouldn’t just start blurting out fake words that you thought sounded russian. Common sense.

So what should you do if you come in contact with a bear? (more…)

*GRAPHIC VIDEO*! Russian Guy Mauled By Bear!

Posted: August 11 @ 6:00pm by scrody in Bolivian
Tags: , , , ,

WARNING: This video is not for the faint of heart. If you are squeemish in any way, or don’t think you can handle watching some guy have his limbs ripped off and his heart eaten out by a savage beast, do not, DO NOT, click play. You have been warned.