Posts Tagged ‘beer’

[Windsor Star]  A men’s hockey league in Kingsville won back its arena privileges Tuesday after promising town council to keep its members in check. The town last month evicted the Sunday Morning Puck Shufflers after arena staff complained about players smoking and drinking in the dressing rooms after games. “The staff had had enough,” said Andrew Plancke, the town’s director of municipal services. Teams would refuse to leave the dressing rooms on time and some beer-fuelled players would become aggressive and belligerent. “Police have been called at various times,” Plancke added. Tuesday, six members of the Puck Shufflers attended a special meeting of council held in the middle of the work day to beg to get their ice time back. Led by convenor Cliff Arnew, the league promised to police any “questionable behavior” by its members. “We are looking for an opportunity to make things right,” Arnew told councillors, who responded by reinstating the league. Mayor Nelson Santos said town staff in February began documenting incidents involving the men’s leagues, including the condition of the dressing rooms after games. One “bottle count” found more than five cases of empties in one dressing room alone, Santos said. Staff also documented cigarette butts and other debris littering the dressing rooms after league play. Then last month, a player was seriously injured in a dressing-room incident. Town officials said they’ve been told the man was rough-housing after a game and tore his rectum falling onto a beer bottle.

I wouldn’t have given these motherfuckers the CHANCE to get their league reinstated.  There’s only one rule for the cult of beer league hockey players to follow.  It’s got nothing to do with brawling, smoking, drinking or even shoving an empty Pabst bottle up a teammate’s asshole & tearing his rectum.  The sole commandment of beer league hockey is to clean your shit up.   (more…)


[HP]  If ever there was an achievement that deserved a toast, a beer for dogs would certainly be it. And the makers of Bowser Beer, a brand brewed specifically for pooches, have double the cause to enjoy a little hair of the dog: Their achievement has been officially as honored as the first beer for dogs by World Records Academy, an online database of offbeat achievements. Bowser Beer, which unlike human beer has no hops, no carbonation and no alcohol, has been around since 2007, but the honor still gives spokeswoman Jenny Brown a reason to hoist a glass in celebration — even as she’s trying to comprehend the complete magnitude of having official recognition for making the first beer specifically for dogs. The concept of a beer brewed for dogs sounds potentially dangerous since hops, alcohol and carbonation are all bad for canine tummies, but Brown insists her pooch pilsners and labrador lagers are safe for dogs and their owners. “Hops are toxic, so our beer is flavored with a sweet malt barley,” she said. “It’s human grade, which is good because some people drink it by accident.” Although Brown makes sure to inform potential customers that her hound hooch won’t get schnauzers soused, she admits some people are disappointed by that. “Some people say, ‘Oh, I’d like to get my dog drunk,’ and I say, ‘But who’s going to walk you home?'” she said. “There was one guy who told me, ‘My dog prefers double malt scotch to single,’ and I thought, ‘How sad that he knows the difference.'”

So if I’m understanding this correctly, it’s a beer for dogs that won’t get them a buzz?  I mean if you’re gonna label something the “first beer for dogs” that leads me to believe you’ve discovered a beverage that doesn’t taste all that bad & can put a goofy smile on your pooch’s face as he or she trots all cross-pawed bumping into walls and shit.  Has him whipping out his red rocket and throwing it in the first female canine he sees that’s lapped up just a bit more Bowser Beer than the bitch can handle.   (more…)

[Chicago Tribune]  At 4 a.m. on Saturday, a Wicker Park man was sleeping in his apartment. His roommate was playing Xbox. Seconds later the two men were fighting off an attacker who reeked of booze, broke into their apartment in search of a beer and attacked them with a corkscrew, according to the two men and police. Prosecutors charged Timothy Snyder, 36, with two counts of home invasion and two counts of aggravated battery in connection with the incident, which took place in the 1300 block of North Dean Street. The man who was sleeping, Tony, asked that his last name not be used and his roommate asked to remain anonymous. Snyder allegedly banged on the apartment door three times before busting it open and making a bee line for the fridge, the roommate said. Snyder was confronted by the roommates once he was inside. The roommate said Snyder smelled of alcohol and he told the intruder to leave. The two began fighting after Snyder threw a punch and made contact on his chin, the roommate said. Tony said he was sleeping when he was awakened by a loud noise in an apartment upstairs. Police said Snyder had forced his way into that upstairs apartment in search of beer, before heading down to Tony’s place. Tony went back to sleep but said he rushed into the living room when he heard his roommate struggling and put Snyder in a choke hold. The two subdued Snyder and called 911 during a brief lull in the fighting, after they had subdued Snyder and told him to “chill.” But Tony said Snyder got up and the two struggled again. “Then he gets back up and starts going at it. I grabbed his neck and pinned him to the wall and at that point he grabs my back and I feel like I got scratched by keys,” Tony said. Tony said he kicked Snyder in his groin and Snyder stopped moving. After police arrived, Tony’s roommate pointed out his wound. The damage: 28 staples and 25 dissolving deep-tissue stitches. The wound stretched from Tony’s upper back down his right side to above the waist.

Seems worth it.  Hey maybe you had to get your back sewn together, but at least you didn’t have to dole out any Bud Light cans.  Idiots.  Seriously, if a dude looking like this throws a boot through your door and all he wants is a brewski, put down the controller, wake up Tony & have a party.  Clearly Timothy Snyder has some stories to tell.   (more…)

…[Lackey, Lester and Beckett] would leave the dugout around the sixth inning, walk back to the clubhouse and fill cups with Bud Light. They would then return to the dugout and watch the game while drinking beer. One Red Sox employee told the station that the pitchers were “bored on nights they weren’t pitching and this is how they entertained themselves.” [ESPN]

Well, I really lost a lot of respect for Jon Lester here. I could give a shit less about Lackey and Beckett, I hate them both. But I always kind of respected Lester. Cancer survivor, great pitcher, seems like a decent dude. But now this comes out. I know he’s young and all, but come on man… Bud Light? You’re a kajillionaire pro athlete in Boston, fucking act like it. Least you could do is get some Sam Adams or something. Bud Light is Busch League. Literally.

So these guys have over 700 youtube videos, how have I never heard of them before? Oh, that’s right nobody has, this video had less than 750 hits when I found it. Just a couple of emasculated stay-at-home dads living the dream and fucking around on the DadLab blog.  (more…)

[Chron]  Monique Lawless had nothing personal at stake when she saw three men leaving a Walmart store in Alvin with three cases of beer they didn’t pay for. She was a customer, not an employee, of the store. Yet Lawless, who stands just under 5 feet tall and weighs 125 pounds, took off in pursuit of the three much larger men. “I’m just sick of the lawlessness,” the 42-year-old Alvin woman said. The three alleged thieves were arrested — at another Walmart store in Pearland near Texas 288 — after an hour long chase. But Lawless’ efforts to stop them came at a price: a scratched face, broken lip and scrapes and bruises to her legs. She spotted the men getting into an older-model sports car “so I just started running towards the car, jumped on the hood and was kicking at the front windshield, trying to kick the windshield in,” she said. “Then I jumped on the roof and tried to kick in the sunroof, and in the meantime they’re just laughing,” said Lawless, a mother of two. “I was really upset then. I was mad.” When the driver started the car, Lawless slid down the top of the vehicle and grabbed the driver’s door handle. The vehicle lunged forward and she let go, but not before being dragged along the pavement. The three men, who are brothers, were in the Brazoria County Jail on Monday facing charges of felony evading arrest and aggravated robbery. Sylvester Andre Thompson, 21; Sylvester Durlentren Thompson, 21; and Sylvester Primitivo Thompson, 19, live at 4925 Harbin in Santa Fe.

Monique LAWLESS was sick of the LAWLESSNESS, huh?  So this middle-aged midget broad chased a trio of brothers – all named SYLVESTER – then scaled atop their car and attempted to repeatedly kick in their windshield AND sunroof, right?  Got some road rash after finally letting go of the door handle as the car took off?  Sure.   (more…)

Luckily, I’m pretty sure these effects wear off over time and are replaced with a headache and a serious craving for White Castle.