Posts Tagged ‘Drunk’

Most people will watch this video and see a bunch of drunken idiots that should have fallen victim to natural selection years ago. Not me. I see hope. Hope for my future. Hope for the future of all my fellow 30 somethings. You see, (more…)

I realize that sometimes police have to act like smug assholes because if they were just buddy-buddy with everyone they’d lose all authority because nobody would take them seriously. But at the end of the day, they’re just normal dudes like the rest of us. When shit like this happens, I’m sure they get a good laugh out of it afterwards with their bros. That’s why I think this Mountie deserves a medal. (more…)

Does this guy get royalties from Chappelle for the Tyrone Biggums character?

[Cincinnati] An apparently drunk man crashed an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in the first hour of Monday and was kicked out by staff when he was wandering the halls of a halfway house and refused to leave, Cincinnati police report. Darrin Porter, 45, of West End, walked into the 12 Step House in College Hill at 12:15 a.m. Monday while an AA meeting was in progress. Police said he also was “extremely intoxicated” and carrying a 12-ounce can of beer while wandering the second-floor hallways of the halfway house. When asked to leave, Porter refused. He was carried out by the halfway house staff but walked back in. Police reported Porter kept asking them for their names and Social Security numbers. Porter was charged with disorderly conduct while intoxicated and obstructing official business, misdemeanors charges that carry a maximum jail term of 12 days if he is found guilty.

Makes sense.  I mean why should the 12 Step House have any different rules than, say, a hospital?  If you’re staggering into the ER tripping over your intestines with a harpoon through your eye socket, you’re in the wrong place motherfucker.  You need to make an appointment and schedule our helping hand like the rest of the people up in this joint.  Who do you think you are, Darrin?   (more…)

[Chicaco Tribune]  A suspected drunk driver sped the wrong way up the Edens Expressway early this morning, dodging dozens of motorists–and they him–for about 11 miles over 10 minutes until he was finally stopped by police, Illinois State police said this morning. Sergio Galvez-Delira, 24, of Glenview was charged with DUI, reckless driving, having open alcohol, no insurance and improper lane usage, police said. State police received at least 15 calls about a black 2001 Mitsubishi SUV that was driving north in the southbound lanes on the  Edens expressway from Elston Avenue just after 2:30 a.m., officials said. Galvez-Delira, managed to avoid striking any other vehicles on a rain-slicked roadway. “There was a lot of luck on that one,” said State police Master Sgt. Joseph Stangl. The SUV continued north into suburban Glencoe, where local police stopped the SUV just north of Tower Road and took the driver into custody, Stangl said. State police credited the early hours, sparse traffic and alert drivers with avoiding a potential major tragedy. “Several callers reported they were nearly sideswiped by other drivers, and they were fearful of how to gaain control of their vehicles,” Stangl said.

I’ve been there, Sergio, so I’m not gonna pick on you.  Anyone who’s hopped behind the wheel with a bit of a buzz on knows that Rule #1 is to remain calm when shit starts to go a little haywire.  Odds are whatever is happening isn’t as bad as it seems, so panicking will only draw more attention to the situation.  Like driving into potential oncoming traffic, for example.   (more…)

[Chicago Tribune]  A Chicago attorney and former chief of staff at a state health care agency, who allegedly exposed her breasts to co-workers, came to work drunk and kept nude photos of herself on state computers, is facing sanctions from Illinois’ attorney disciplinary body. But an attorney for Tamara Tanzillo, 52, says the complaint from the Illinois Attorney Registration and Disciplinary Commission is in retaliation for Tanzillo’s refusal to fall in line with improper orders during the Rod Blagojevich administration. Tanzillo, who formerly used the last name Hoffman, was fired from her $118,000-a-year job with the Illinois Department of Health and Family Services in November 2009 after an inspector general report found she had gone shopping while on the clock and engaged in “arguably decadent personal behavior.” In July 2007 she allegedly arrived to work smelling of alcohol, informing a guard that the “Boss Lady” had arrived before dancing the hula inside an elevator, according to the complaint. Tanzillo allegedly twice exposed her chest to female co-workers, asking what they thought of her breast implants. She also allegedly exposed her breasts to two state officials at a Springfield tavern in 2008, according to the complaint. In January 2009, Tanzillo allegedly came to the Springfield office around 1:30 a.m. while barefoot, wearing “sleepwear” and accompanied by an unidentified man, according to the complaint. She requested a key for the executive offices. A guard allegedly saw the two “hugging and kissing” as they stepped into an elevator. The two left the building five hours later, according to the complaint. Tanzillo allegedly threatened a woman who was dating the same person she was, according to the complaint. The charge was dismissed after Tanzillo completed a deferral program, the complaint says. Komie said the charge was simply dropped. Tanzillo also allegedly used her computer to show “sexually explicit material and nude photos of herself and others” even after she had been warned not to, the complaint said.

It’s amazing we live in a world where a hot (for a 52 year-old red head) bitch with big, fat, fake funbags who not only is competent enough as an attorney & chief of staff but also likes to takes dudes to the office in her pj’s at 1:30am to fuck in the executive offices is subject to ridicule & scorn.  I don’t know how recent this pic is of Ginger Fuckhole, Esq., but she could easily pass for mid-twenties.   (more…)

[NY Post]  His only defense is that he’s a “drunk.” A 22-year-old Long Island man wearing a shirt saying he’s a drunk was charged with DWI early today after he plowed into a cop who was on drunk driving patrol, authorities said. A mug shot taken after his arrest by Suffolk County cops shows Kevin Daly, 22, of Coram, wearing a black T-shirt that read: “I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.” Daly was driving a 2000 Saturn on County Road 83 when he attempted to turn east onto Route 25A and struck an officer’s vehicle at 1:45 a.m., police said. The officer is assigned to the Suffolk County Police Department’s SAFE-T (Selective Alcohol Fatality Enforcement Team) Section. The cop was treated for minor injuries at Stony Brook University Medical Center, police said. The officer’s identity was not made public. Daly, who was not injured, was charged with DWI and slapped with multiple traffic summonses.

Well bro, on the bright side, this shit’s gonna be pretty funny in a few years.  I mean funny to you – it’s pretty funny to the rest of us right now.  Somewhere Alanis Morrisette is sifting through 10,000 spoons looking for a knife, because you’re now officially an alcoholic.   (more…)

[KRMG]  A man leaves a downtown Tulsa bar, but can’t find his car, so he calls police to say the car has been stolen. Then he finds the car and decides to drive home about eleven last night, but gets involved in a crash at 11th and South Houston. Police tracked him down after he left the scene to go home. “Witnesses, including the EMSA crew, (said) that’s the guy, he just changed clothes. So we ended up arresting him for leaving the scene of an accident and then calling in a false auto theft report.” Tulsa Police Corporal Dan Miller also told the News On 6 that Daniel Coglin was arrested. Miller says it’s not unusual for drinking drivers to leave the scene of an accident, then call in a stolen car report hours later. He says it just didn’t work this time. Miller says drinking drivers try that trick alot. “Get home somehow and then two or three hours later call in (saying), ‘Oh, I just woke up, my car is stolen, you all can take a report.’ Well, it looks like this time (it) sort of backfired.”

I’ve told my story before, but it bears repeating because Daniel Coglin proves what I tell everyone who makes fun of me for losing my car – it can happen to anyone.  Long story short, I was obliterated in NYC and after getting back to my buddy’s house I decided to hop in my Mini and make the trek back to my apartment.  In my drunken stupor, I missed the (blatant) exit to get on the parkway and within seconds panicked because I was lost and way too hammered to apply any deductive reasoning.  So I pulled over and, naturally, called my mom at like 5am to let her know that “winners win, drivers drive”, then walked to a gas station for a Gatorade & a cab.  When I woke up the next morning I immediately realized I had zero clue where I had left my car.  None.  A real-life ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’.   (more…)