Posts Tagged ‘jail’

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[HuffPo]  Apparently, not even the massive King of Diamonds can contain all the strippers in Miami. Attorneys doing business at Downtown’s Federal Detention Center — a maximum security prison — say the joint is overrun with dancers posing as paralegals. Lawyers hired by imprisoned drug kingpins pass the women off as legal assistants and authorities let them in, according to a report by Miami New Times. This being Miami, it was apparently no big deal until other attorneys realized they might start losing clients to those whose billable hours come with a little bada bing. The report alleges one ‘paralegal’ was caught having sex with an inmate in a room used for legal meetings, while another was busted stripping in a Special Housing Unit — also known as solitary confinement — and banned from the prison altogether. While many attorneys are up in arms — or being forced to take off their bras — others are used to Miami being, well, Miami. This isn’t the first instance of one or more lovely Miami ladies with cartel clients in super max prisons. In 2009, the Denver Post profiled a woman named Lulu who left the Magic City to be closer to clients who paid her $125 an hour to deliver legal docs and keep a little company. And just north of Miami in Broward County, there’s less security but a lot more ‘access’ — female corrections employees are the ones getting friendly, with one caught having sex with an inmate in a broom closet.

Can someone explain to me the difference between a stripper and a paralegal?  The only thing I can come up with to differentiate strippers from any other female is that ladies of the pole aren’t ‘secret’ sluts.  But let’s be clear – you’re all sluts whether you hide it or not.  Don’t try to tell me that it’s impossible for a legal aid to deliver documents then shake their assholes in their client’s faces.  Don’t chicks like bad boys?   (more…)

Let’s Rate Linday Lohan’s Mug Shots

Posted: October 20 @ 3:30pm by 610 in Bolivian
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Well I can’t imagine anyone really cares, but Linday Lohan was tossed in cuffs yet again for violating her probation.  Apparently she was released on $100k bond, blah blah blah.  Anyway, the report from Daily Mail gives me two reasons to post anything about this ugly, pasty twat.  One – she was listed as a MALE.  If you’ve seen some of her ‘candid’ photos, you’ll understand that’s an easy mistake to be made. Second – they give all 5 of her mug shots.  The latest one (above) is clearly the worst, but how would you rank her previous 4?  It’s not exactly chronological, at least on my scale:   (more…)

[Yahoo]  A bit actor who appeared in the first “Austin Powers” movie is suspected in the death of his cellmate at the California prison where he is serving a life sentence, corrections officials said Tuesday. Joseph Son , 40, wore a bowler hat and played one of Dr. Evil’s henchmen, named Random Task, in 1997’s “Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.” He also was a mixed martial arts fighter who appeared in several other movies or videos in the 1990s, according to his Hollywood biography. He arrived at Wasco State Prison in the state’s Central Valley on Sept. 16 after he was sentenced in Orange County for the 1990 gang rape of a Southern California woman. The dead inmate was a parole violator serving a new two-year sentence from San Luis Obispo County for failing to register as a sex offender. He was found dead Monday in the cell he shared with Son. The death was being treated as a homicide, California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation spokeswoman Terry Thornton said. Thornton and Wasco State Prison spokesman Henry Cervantez couldn’t say how the inmate died or why the death was considered suspicious. The cellmate had arrived on June 23. Son was convicted of one count of torture in August after his DNA linked him to the abduction of a then-19-year-old victim as she walked her dog near her apartment on Christmas Eve. Son and a co-defendant, Santiago Lopez Gaitan, 40, drove the woman to Huntington Beach at gunpoint, where they raped and sodomized her in the back of the car. They repeatedly threatened to kill her, hitting her with the pistol and telling her she was going to die. The badly injured woman begged for her life, prosecutors said, and the two men released her naked and blindfolded with her own pants. Police collected DNA evidence, but couldn’t match it to her attackers until Son was required to provide a DNA sample after he pleaded guilty to felony vandalism in 2008 and violated probation.

Am I the last to know Random Task was in the clink for rape & torture?  He always struck me as a jolly shoe-tosser, not a vandalizing sodomist…although he did show a flash of humanity when he let the victim go with her own pants as a blindfold.  Better than no pants at all, right?   (more…)

[HuffPo]  Luciana Reichel told police that the film “Wedding Crashers” inspired a prank on her roommate several months. Turns out, the statement didn’t exactly help her case. On Wednesday, a Wisconsin judge sentenced Reichel to 30 months probation and 90 days in prison for dripping Visine solution into her dorm-mate’s water bottle on several occasions, the Appleton Post-Crescent reports. Reichel, a student at Fox Valley Technical College, shared a dorm room on the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh campus during October of 2010 with her soon-to-be prank victim, Brianna Charapata, according to a February report from The Smoking Gun. At the time, Charapata’s doctor was unable to diagnose her nausea, diarrhea, loss of appetite, and fatigue. Last week, Winnebago County Judge Barbara Key explained her tough ruling. “This may seem harsh, but what you did was very serious,” Key said, according to the Appleton Post-Crescent. “And you need to understand there are very serious consequences for your behavior and you can’t just slide by on this.” When police confronted Reichel about her actions, she confessed, explaining that she got the idea from the 2005 comedy “Wedding Crashers.” In the movie, Owen Wilson’s character pulls a similar stunt, putting eye drops into a glass of wine belonging to rival Bradley Cooper, causing him to become ill. This isn’t the first bizarre instance of movie-inspired crimes. In an even more disturbing instance, a Utah mother once turned in her two sons who were allegedly planning a murder based on the psychological-thriller series “Saw,” according to ABC News. Judge Key also ruled that Reichel, a nursing student with no previous criminal record, not pursue a job in healthcare while on probation.

Well, so much for having a good time. Christ on a crutch, when did people become so fucking sensitive? Your roommate drips some eye drops in your water and now you’re puking your guts out. Har har, real fucking funny guys, now you’re going to pay for it. That’s how you go after a prank, you don’t turn around with your hair in the porcelain throne like, “I’m going to get you arrested and thrown in jail….jerk!” That’s just no fun at all; complete prank killer.   (more…)

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[CNN]  Polygamist leader Warren Jeffs was in critical condition in a Texas hospital Monday after falling ill during a fast, a state prison official and his attorney said. A source familiar with Jeffs’ medical condition told CNN Monday that Jeffs was in a coma. The source did not provide further details. “He was not eating or drinking enough fluids and also has some other medical conditions,” Clark told CNN. He would not elaborate, citing inmate privacy rules. Jeffs told officials at the Powledge prison unit that he was not on a hunger strike, but had been “fasting,” Clark said. His attorney, Emily Detoto, confirmed Jeffs’ condition and that he had not been eating. On August 4, Jeffs was found guilty of the aggravated sexual assaults of a 12-year-old girl and a 15-year-old girl he claimed were his “spiritual wives.” He will have to spend at least 45 years in prison before being eligible for release, state prosecutors said. Jeffs was also found guilty of two counts of rape by accomplice in Utah in 2007 and was sentenced to 10 years to life in prison there.

Listen Warren, I said I didn’t see anything wrong with beating off 15 times a day in the clink.  Can’t be all that much else to do there – I’d be cranking out batches all day too.  What I didn’t say is that it’s easy to do.  You gotta get your fair share of sustenance & hydration if you’re gonna be coating your cell with semen.   (more…)

[The Daily]  Warren Jeffs has been keeping busy in jail. According to one of his former jailers, the convicted child rapist masturbated more or less continuously while in custody. Rick Bradley, a guard at the county jail where Jeffs was kept in the weeks prior to his trial, told The Daily that the 55-year-old seemed to be suffering from sexual withdrawal and pleasured himself “a lot.” What does that mean, exactly — five times a day? More, Bradley said. Fifteen times? “Sometimes more than that,” he told The Daily. The guard said that the prisoner — who was not permitted conjugal visits — often played solo in full view of his guards. “We could see him,” Bradley said. The lurid details of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints leader’s predatory sexual practices were revealed in his trial, which ended in a conviction and a sentence of life plus 20 years. Jeffs had dozens of under-aged wives whom he trained to meet his sexual needs. He also raped a 5-year-old boy, according to court testimony. But he preached a hard line against masturbation. One of Jeffs’ former students, Ezra Draper, testified that the cult leader told him that God was “offended” by masturbation. Jeffs maintained his vigorous onanistic pace despite eating barely “enough to stay alive,” said Bradley.

Sure we can talk about how Warren Jeffs, the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints leader/polygamist/child-rapist dude, beats his bishop hourly in the clink.  Oh, the hypocrisy!  He preached that God was offended yet did it anyway!  I guess we can also point out how it’s no surprise that a creep with a plethora of underaged sex-slaves wives can’t help himself from skin flute solos on the regular.  Sick!  Demented!   (more…)

[MSNBC]  A 37-year-old woman under arrest and being escorted through the Lee County Jail was caught attempting to smuggle crack-cocaine into the facility on Saturday. Angela Lynn Palmer was being escorted by three deputies when she dropped a clear glass tube and then stated to deputies that she had additional items in her vagina. An orange cigar tube then fell from Palmer’s vagina to the floor next to her feet. An additional clear tube was also found. Inside the orange tube, deputies found two pieces of white rock, later identified as crack-cocaine. Both clear tubes contained residue that indicated they were used as crack pipes to smoke the crack-cocaine. Palmer had been arrested on Friday on charges of trespassing, counterfeit identification, drug possession, and tampering with evidence. She was additionally charged with possession of cocaine, possession of drug equipment, and introduction of contraband into a correctional facility.

I’ve felt sorry for drug addicts in the past…well, if Bubbles from The Wire counts I have.  Being as devastatingly handsome as I am, I always pity ugly people as well.  Here, we have both – but neither of which I feel any sympathy for.  You know who my heart goes out to?   (more…)