Posts Tagged ‘penis’

[Bikyamasr]  An Islamic cleric residing in Europe said that women should not be close to bananas or cucumbers, in order to avoid any “sexual thoughts.” The unnamed sheikh, who was featured in an article on el-Senousa news, was quoted saying that if women wish to eat these food items, a third party, preferably a male related to them such as their a father or husband, should cut the items into small pieces and serve. He said that these fruits and vegetables “resemble the male penis” and hence could arouse women or “make them think of sex.” He also added carrots and zucchini to the list of forbidden foods for women. The sheikh was asked how to “control” women when they are out shopping for groceries and if holding these items at the market would be bad for them. The cleric answered saying this matter is between them and God. Answering another question about what to do if women in the family like these foods, the sheikh advised the interviewer to take the food and cut it for them in a hidden place so they cannot see it. The opinion has stirred a storm of irony and denouncement among Muslims online, with hundreds of comments mocking the cleric. One reader said that these religious “leaders” give Islam “a bad name” and another commented said that he is a “retarded” person and he must quite his post immediately. Others called him a seeker of fame, but no official responses from renowned Islamic scholars have been published on the statements.

Newsflash bro, banning two vegetables because they look like dicks isn’t going to stop the world’s most sexually deprived woman from getting off. Unless you plan on lining up every broad in a their hood pajamas and chopping their arms off, it’s a lost cause. Besides, whose going to make the falafel when your six wives have no arms?

Plus, this is about all the other vegetables that resemble hard-ons:   (more…)

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[Daily Record]  A cross-dressing dad nearly died after trying to chop off his penis in a DIY sex change op. Kirsty Cass got drunk and took a Stanley knife to his manhood after life as a male became unbearable. Doctors managed to save his life by reattaching his penis and now he is living as a woman and preparing for gender reassignment surgery. Council worker Kirsty, who used to be called Andy, said: “I realise now how dangerous it was to try to give myself a DIY sex change – I could have easily bled to death – but it seemed like the obvious solution at the time. “I had a few beers, looked down and thought ‘that shouldn’t be there’ so I got a Stanley knife out of my toolbox and just started hacking away. “The pain was unbelievable. It took a couple of minutes of cutting before I realised the danger then I grabbed a hankie to stem the bleeding and dialled 999.” Kirsty woke up in hospital where doctors explained they had to reattach the penis for future gender reassignment surgery and, after recovering, she was referred to a psychiatrist who diagnosed gender dysphoria. The father-of-two, supported by daughter Jodie, 21, now takes a cocktail of drugs to suppress male hormones and had surgery on his Adam’s apple to alter the pitch of his voice. The 49-year-old from Crawley, West Sussex, now lives as a woman and is looking forward to surgery in April after a lifetime of feeling trapped in the wrong body. Kirsty said: “I always felt uncomfortable as a boy. In my teenage years, I wasn’t interested in girls but I went out with a few girls to try to fit in. “I married a wonderful lady who was supportive when I confessed I wanted to dress as a woman, but our relationship ended when I realised I wanted to be a woman. “One night I just thought enough is enough, and decided to do something. “Now I can’t wait until I’ve had the operation and I’m 100% woman.”

If this isn’t the craziest sentence I’ve ever read, I don’t know what is:  “I realize now how dangerous it was to try to give myself a DIY sex change – I could have easily bled to death – but it seemed like the obvious solution at the time.”  Listen, I get that some people need to learn things the hard way.  I’m as stubborn as they come, so I’ve gone down that road.   (more…)

[Sun Sentinel]  A Miami-Dade man was using a car’s sunroof for much more exposure than is legal, authorities said. Julio Socarras Mompeller, 31, is accused of standing up through the sunroof of a silver Mercedes Benz with his pants down, exposing himself and making self-stimulating gestures with his hand, according to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office. The Sheriff’s Office says the incident took place about 9 a.m. Sunday in the southbound lanes of U.S. 1 near Mile Marker 90.5 in Plantation Key. The incident was reported by an off-duty Florida Highway Patrol trooper who was taking his wife and young child to a 9/11 ceremony, the Sheriff’s Office said. Two Monroe County Sheriff’s deputies were able to stop the vehicle a few miles later and reported that a shirtless Mompeller was still in the passenger seat with his pants loosened. According to the Sheriff’s Office, the two other people in the car admitted that Mompellar exposed himself but said they didn’t know why. Mompeller was booked into the Monroe County Jail on a charged of indecent exposure.

You won’t find a more staunch proponent of indecent exposure than 610.  I’ve blogged about it repeatedly and have been supportive of the perpetrator every single time.  Well, just like the Giants’ undefeated 2011 season, all streaks must come to an end.  Julio, my man, if you want to pull your cock out in the Benz that’s cool.  I got no problem there.  But when you hop out the sunroof and start shooting imaginary loads all willy-nilly on a Sunday morning, you’re just being an asshole.   (more…)

[ABC] A unanimous jury ruled in favor of the Kentucky doctor who amputated a portion of Phillip Seaton’s penis during an October 2007 circumcision to treat inflammation. The jury unanimously found that Dr. John Patterson exercised appropriate care when he removed a portion of Seaton’s penis after finding cancer and ruled 10-2 against Seaton’s claim that Patterson did not properly obtain consent to him before removing his penis.

“We feel the interest of justice has been served,” Clay Robinson, Patterson’s attorney, told ABC News. “When you hear about someone going in for a circumcision and it turned into a partial amputation, there’s going to be a reaction, but it was a pretty clear-cut case*. There was no liability here.”

Seaton’s lawyer, Kevin George, told jurors this week that Seaton “doesn’t feel like a man” without his penis, The Associated Press reported. But Robinson said the surgeon felt he had no other options but to remove the penis immediately. The tip of Seaton’s penis “had the appearance of rotten cauliflower” because it was so inundated with cancer, Robinson told the courtroom on Monday. The defense attorney also told the jury that Patterson only removed about an inch of the penis during the initial surgery before another surgeon removed the rest of his penis at a later date.

At first glance, this really tugs at the heart strings of any guy with red blood pumping through his member. Getting knocked out for a simple procedure – one that should have been done when he was a day old, but a simple procedure none-the-less – and waking up without a dick has got to be one of the worst scenarios imaginable. Seems like an open and shut case… give this guy eleventy kajillion dollars and call it a day.

But then I got to the part about how his pork sword looked like rotten cauliflower. Ew. (more…)

[Times of India]  Bangladeshi police said on Thursday they were investigating the case of a man forced to parade naked through his village with a brick tied to his penis as punishment for kidnapping and marrying a minor. The punishment was meted out Saturday to the 30-year-old man by the local council in a village 30 kilometres (18 miles) south of Dhaka. Police said he had kidnapped and then forcibly married a 12-year-old girl, who later managed to escape. “The council chief and some village elders beat him and made him parade with a brick tied to his penis at a river ghat (steps) under the full gaze of at least 200 people,” police sub-inspector Binoy Krishna Kar said. Village courts are legal in Bangladesh but only empowered to settle disputes related to land ownership, inheritance and other minor issues. They are proscribed from handing down physical punishment. The latest incident came a week after the global rights monitor Human Rights Watch released a statement highlighting abuses committed by local councils which are often the result of religious edicts or fatwas. The group urged Bangladesh, a Muslim-majority nation of 142 million people, to take “urgent” measures to prevent such cases, which have been blamed for the deaths of dozens of women in recent years.

As far as I know, iB is still anti-kid-touching.  So on the surface this seems like a good idea to me.  Hey pervert, you wanna slam some pre-teen snizz?  Then don’t come crying to the local village council when there’s a cinder block slipknotted around your mushroom tip.  I’m sure if that punishment was publicized, a lot of pedos would reconsider.  Hooray, pre-emptive strike!  But what about the hardcore, deranged deviant who seeks little boy bootyholes with no regard for consequence?   (more…)

[CBS LA]  A woman has been arrested for cutting off her husband’s penis with a 10-inch kitchen knife, according to police in Garden Grove. Officers responding to a medical emergency call at 9 p.m. Monday in the 14000 block of Flower Avenue found the man in bed, bleeding from his groin area. The suspect, 48-year-old Catherine Kieu Becker, had apparently used a drug in the victim’s food to make him sleepy before she attacked him, police said. She called 911 and told responding officers that her husband, whose name has not been released, “deserved it.” Officers say she then put the penis in the garbage disposal and turned on the appliance. The man was transported to UCI Medical Center, where he underwent emergency surgery and is in stable condition. Becker was arrested for aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning and spousal abuse. She was booked into the Orange County Jail. The couple is apparently going through a divorce.

Nothing “allegedly” about his penis getting cut off and ending up slap chopped by the Sham-Wow dude, I mean if you ask the guy without the dick.  It must suck not having a dick? Like how do you pleasure a chick?   (more…)

[Daily News]  A Florida traffic court judge was busted after a man told police that she used her cell phone to take pictures of him standing at a courthouse urinal, authorities said. Rhonda Hollander, 47, was arrested last week after her kooky candid camera shots inside the men’s room at the West Regional Courthouse, according to the Broward County Sheriff’s Office. A report of the encounter says Willie Jackson Jr. was “getting ready to urinate” when Hollander appeared at the adjoining urinal and began snapping away. She then took photos of another man entering the restroom before she bolted, ducking inside another judge’s chambers. Police were summoned and quickly located Hollander, who admitted taking the pictures. But the judge refused to surrender her cell phone, insisting “it was a public restroom and that she was not breaking any kind of laws,” the report said. Hollander then started snapping pictures of the arresting officer – and bit his finger when he pointed at her and ordered the judge to stop shooting, the report said.

“Getting ready to urinate”  for some reason paints the image in my head that Willie’s willy is deployed via crank like a hose.  Just gives me the feeling there’s a lot of piss prep involved.  “…when Hollander appeared at the adjoining urinal”  makes it sound as if Rhonda repelled down through an asbestos-ridden ceiling tile to capture the evasive purple-headed warrior on digital media.  Pretty exciting story in my head.  Kind of a combo between Mission Impossible and Anaconda.  But that doesn’t mean this makes any sense.   (more…)