Posts Tagged ‘wheelchair’

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He’s been dreaming about this his whole life. Probably been through this scenario over and over again in his head. He knew every detail. What the air smelled like, the echo of the crowd, how his wheels slightly sunk in to the grass, the touch of the pigskin. Then he got word that he would finally get a shot. The butterflies took over in his gut as he heard his teammates chanting his name. The smile stretched from ear to ear as he coasted towards the huddle. The excitement was overwhelming when he heard his number called. The anticipation grew as he lined up in formation. Then the cadence… the snap… his big chance… And he fucking fumbles! Unbelievable. He didn’t even realize he dropped the ball. Just kept plowing towards the end zone like a runaway locomotive.  (more…)

[Sentinel] A Middlesex Township woman faces DUI charges after police said she was riding her motorized wheelchair in a mobile home park while intoxicated this morning. Middlesex Township police said they received a report that a woman was crawling around a yard in the Country Manor mobile home park at 4:23 a.m. When police arrived, they found Connie Lebo, 63, sitting in her motorized wheelchair and drunk, according to police. Lebo told police she had been driving the wheelchair around the mobile home park when she crashed and started to bleed, police said. Lebo told police she then tried to cut through a yard and flipped the wheelchair over, according to police. Lebo was taken to the Carlisle Regional Medical Center and submitted to a blood test, police said. She was charged with driving under the influence with a blood alcohol content of .16 percent or higher, according to police.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve probably said it at least twice, women do not belong behind the wheel. Or on top of wheels as the case may be. Pretty much being attached or near any sort of wheeled, motorized apparatus of any kind is a bad idea. But it really takes a special kind of cretin to be able to pull this stunt off. (more…)

[Watertown]  Residents of Watertown and the southern part of Jefferson County may see a man and his mannequin traveling along Route 11. A man who goes by the name of Ned Nefer, 38, is traveling from Syracuse to Watertown by foot. He is pushing “Teagan” a 6-foot mannequin who Mr. Nefer claims is his wife. Lisa Spear, principal social welfare examiner for Jefferson County Department of Social Services stopped to talk with him Wednesday morning while he was in Adams Center. She said she deals with a variety of mental illnesses and people who suffer from them, but has never experienced anyone like Mr. Nefer. “This is definitely one of the very oddest things I’ve ever come across but he seems very happy,” she said. “I wouldn’t classify him as dangerous at all. He seemed quite happy in his own little world.” Mr. Nefer said he was born in Syracuse and in the 1980’s spent some time at the Children’s Home in Watertown, where he said he met “Teagan” when she was just a head. He said he built a body for the mannequin and the two were married Oct. 31, 1986, in California. They are traveling to the former Children’s Home on State Street, where the two met, he said. Mr. Nefer said he has not been back to Watertown since 1988.

Why would he have even been considered a threat to begin with?  Ned’s just pushing his wife back to where they met over 20 years ago – pretty romantic if you ask me.  Sure, I’d chalk it up as a little odd since 96.3% of husbands polled by IB admit to despising their wives (3.7% refused to answer, including one of our writers who claimed it was a reader poll so he wasn’t the target demo) but I wouldn’t feel threatened.   (more…)

[Boston] A heartless crime has left a disabled dog without his wheelchair. Dave Feeney told WBZ-TV someone stole the device that helps his 12-year-old Belgian Shepherd “Lucky” get around. The dog was hit by a car a few years ago and lost the use of his hind legs. After Lucky had some outside play time out of the chair Sunday morning, Feeney realized it was missing and quickly called police. “It’s really obvious what it is and that it was in front of the house. Today’s not trash day. Today’s not recycling day,” he said. “For somebody to do this, they knew what they were doing.” Police say they’re looking into it. Feeney told WBZ he has had several offers for donations from around the country. Handicappedpets.com of Nashua, New Hampshire has arranged to send one of its fully adjustable wheelchairs to Feeney Monday afternoon.

Is this for real?  Were there no retards around to make fun of?  No old people to sneak up behind & yell “Boo!” or babies to punt?  No amputees to throw frisbees past?   (more…)


This video just single handedly renewed my faith in the American man. Just when you’re worried about our economy being taken over by the Chinese, or our technological prowess topped by the Japanese, or our IT jobs being stolen by the Indians, or our reality television being shipped to Italy… this genius on wheels does something like this and gives me hope for a brighter day. Sure, her legs seem to work just fine and she’s probably just a lazy fatso looking for an easier way to get around. But you know what they say, necessity is the mother of all invention and this tubby bitch has a necessity to get to the Chinese buffet before the lunch special is over. Having a self-propelled lawn mower tow your wheelchair is just pure, first class ingenuity. Hold on. Why didn’t she just use a ride on mower instead? Ah, we’re fucked.

SAN DIEGO — A man in his 60s was arrested Thursday on attempted murder charges after police said he stabbed two men at a Rolando bar.

The man, who uses a motorized wheelchair, was at the Boulevard Bar on El Cajon Boulevard near 70th Street about 12:30 a.m., San Diego police said.

He left his chair to use the bathroom and when he returned he found a 41-year-old man sitting in it, police said.

The man became enraged and took out a knife and stabbed the victim in the abdomen. A 25-year-old bouncer tried to disarm the attacker and he was stabbed in the thigh, police said.

Both victims were treated for their wounds and are expected to recover.

What in the fuck? This article creates more questions than it answers. I can maybe see one guy getting slashed once Mr. Powerwheels here starts getting all stabby, but what the hell was the second guy thinking? There are so many moves that I can rattle off the top of my head to defend yourself from a crazy, four-wheeling knife weilder. The first that comes to mind is, you know, taking a step or two in any direction. But apparently this was a walking criple? What is he doing in a wheelchair if he can walk? Is he just one of those rednecks you see in Walmart that uses a rascal to cruise around the store because he’s too goddamn fat to walk on his own? Probably has those tubes in his nose to pump oxygen into his slowly dying system too. I just have no idea what happened here. I’m trying to get the visual in my head, but it’s too damn confusing. Here comes my big finish though. Ready? Stay classy San Diego.

[Gawker] Martha’s Vineyard resident Frank Hebert, who has been confined to a wheelchair for the past 10 years following a car accident, will be tried for beating the man who allegedly molested the girl he considers his granddaughter. Aren’t there worse criminals out there we should be worried about prosecuting?

Hebert, a computer salesman, discovered that the granddaughter of his “life partner” (who is a woman) was molested by her stepfather. Hebert convinced the accused child molester, Joshua Hardy, to come to his computer store so he could turn him over to the police; when Hardy tried to leave the scene, Hebert hit him with a baseball bat to detain him until the cops arrived. Now Hardy is being charged with his crime—and he’s also been indicted for harming another girl in a nearby town—but Hebert is now facing a trial, too, for assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. If convicted, he could serve up to 10 years in jail.

Well it’s been a very inspirational week here in Bolivian. First we have Father of the Year Domingos Oliveira and now a bat weilding badass grandpa on wheels. Only difference here is that gramps story is total bullshit. You mean to tell me you convinced a child molester to come to your store so you could turn him in but you never thought to call the police? Don’t piss on my chips and tell me it’s vinegar. This was just a good old fashioned boobie trap you sly parapeligic son of a bitch. I’m on to you. Still though, I consider him a hero so I’m going to keep his secret safe. The only people who will ever know are me, him and our reader (hi mom). No need to take your chances with all that legal bullshit when you’ve got a perfectly good Louisville Slugger to dole some justice out with. And yeah, he has to face charges himself now but it’s worth it. There’s not a jury out there that’s going to give him any more than a slap on the wrist. He’ll end up walking in the end… well, not actually walking but you get the idea.