Kindergartner Brings Crack Pipe To Show & Tell

[KCTV5]  The task for the fresh-faced kindergartner students was to bring important family items for show and tell. But one kindergartner floored his teacher and local law enforcement officers when police say he pulled his mother’s crack pipe and an ounce of drugs from his backpack. The child’s mother was charged with possession of a controlled substance and one count of first-degree child endangerment. Bond was set at $7,500 for 32-year-old Michelle Marie Cheatham. A family friend at Cheatham’s home told KCTV5 that the boy is now being cared for by loved ones. Sweet Springs Elementary School officials contacted police on Sept. 6 about 8:30 a.m. Superintendent Donna Wright told police that students had been asked to bring “pictures of their family for show and tell,” according to court documents. The teacher told police that the boy produced for his “show-and-tell” family items the pipe and “several baggies of crack rocks,” according to court records. The rocks tested positive for methamphetamine. Altogether, the drugs totaled about an ounce and were worth about $3,700, officials said Monday. A search warrant was executed at Cheatham’s home and a police dog named “Boomer” found a crack pipe, according to court records. Charges were filed Sept. 12. Police Chief Richard Downing told KCTV5 Monday that a child bringing drugs to show and tell was a first for his law enforcement career. The circumstances of the arrest also flabbergasted neighbors. A source close to the investigation said Cheatham’s life began spiraling out of control after her husband died earlier this year in a car crash and she received a sizeable military pension.

You know the saying, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?” Well here it is folks, just gleaming in front of your faces, like a hot crack rock glowing in a piece of glass tube. I’m surprised that this kid couldn’t bring something a little more interesting, honestly. You go to an inner-city school and you bring in Mom’s crack pipe to show and tell? Big whoop, get in line buddy.  

Man Sprays His Mom with Pepper Spray and Tries Killing Her Because His Girlfriend Broke Up With Him.

[WKMG] SANFORD, Fla. — A man is charged with attempted murder after his mother told police that her son used pepper spray on her and shot at the door of a room she had locked herself in. Sanford police said Gayle Fahr called 911 Saturday night to report that her “son had turned on her.” When officers arrived at the home, Fahr’s son, Gene Fahr, 51, answered the door and directed officers to the room where his mother was located, police said. Officers were initially unable to open the door due to bullet holes near the handle, and opened the door with force, police said. Police said Gayle Fahr, who was wearing an oxygen mask, was visibly shaken. Gayle Fahr told officers that her son had been drinking and blamed her for his recent break-up with his girlfriend, police said. She said her son sprayed pepper spray into a fan in her room, took her phone, disabled her computer and told her she would not be contacting anyone, police said.After grabbing a phone from another room, Gayle Fahr told police she locked herself in her room, but Gene Fahr tried to force entry by shooting at the door knob several times, which made him unable to open the door.

Well, I don’t think this is the exact advice that Maria del Rosario Cayetana Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Francisca Fitz-James Stuart y de Silva would have given, but I’m pretty sure Gene at least was on the right track. In life, there are going to be obsacles. People and events are going to stand in our way and try holding us back. The best we can do is

Russian Girl Gets Eaten By Bear While on the Phone with Her Mom

[news] A DISTRAUGHT mother listened on a mobile phone as her teenage daughter was eaten alive by a brown bear and its three cubs. Olga Moskalyova, 19, gave an horrific hour-long running commentary on her own death in three separate calls as the wild animals mauled her. She screamed: ‘Mum, the bear is eating me! Mum, it’s such agony. Mum, help!’ Her mother Tatiana said that at first she thought she was joking. ‘But then I heard the real horror and pain in Olga’s voice, and the sounds of a bear growling and chewing,’ she added. ‘I could have died then and there from shock.’ Unknown to Tatiana, the bear had already killed her husband Igor Tsyganenkov – Olga’s stepfather – by overpowering him, breaking his neck and smashing his skull. Olga, a trainee psychologist, saw the attack on her stepfather in tall grass and reeds by a river in Russia and fled for 70 yards before the mother bear grabbed her leg. As the creature toyed with her, she managed to call Tatiana several times during the prolonged attack.Tatiana rang her husband – not knowing he was already dead – but got no answer. In a second call, a weak Olga gasped: ‘Mum, the bears are back. She came back and brought her three babies. They’re… eating me.’

When I went away to school in the Midwest, my now wife was still living on Long Island. I got a call from her one day and she was all frantic. She told me that she set her toaster oven on fire (did you know you can’t cook taco shells in a toaster oven?) and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to be insensitive or anything, but I was like, you realize that as you’re talking to me your kitchen is burning down, right? Not much I can do from a thousand miles away. You either have to put it out or call the fire department. Kind of like the same thing but not really with Goldilocks here.

Man Tries Wooing A 13 Year Old Girl, Gets Beaten Up By Her Mom

looks like a decent enough guy

[CBS] DES MOINES, Iowa – A Des Moines man who allegedly tried to lure a young girl into an alley, wound up with stitches and a black eye after the girl’s mother took matters into her own hands, according to authorities. Polk County police sources say that Robert C. Harding tried to lure a 13-year-old girl into an alley near where she was playing with friends outside her home. Instead the smart-thinking teenager went to get her mom who confronted Harding, according to CBS affiliate KCCI. Police say that when the girl’s mother, Holly Pullen, confronted Harding he asked how old the girl was and whether he could marry her or would be interested in signing the girl away.

“I got down to the alley and I confronted him. I said, ‘Why are you staring at the kids?’ and he looks at me and says, ‘I want to marry the red head.’ I came unglued at that point. I was like ‘Dude, she’s only 13 and that’s my daughter,'” Pullen told the station.

Police said Pullen punched Harding in the face. Then the girl’s father and one of his friends chased Harding and fought with him, KCCI reported. By the time police arrived at Fremont Street, the fight was over. Police questioned Harding who allegedly told them that he was trying to get the girl into the alley he could marry her and sex her. Police also said he told them he knew the girl was a minor and that he liked “young girls.”

This is why chivalry is dead. Robert was doing everything by the book here, real old school. He could have just offered her some free candy that he had in the back of his white van, but he took it back to a time when marrying young women was the norm. No minimum ages, no statutory rape,

MAAA! Where’s My Sandwich?!! Stab, Stab, Stab. . .

[HuffPo] A 27-year-old man is in custody on Friday after allegedly stabbing his mother repeatedly when she offered to make him a sandwich.

Alexander Georg of suburban Naperville, Illinois, is charged with the attempted murder of his mother, whose “bone-chilling screams” alerted the neighbors to the crime. She is being treated for stab wounds and other injuries at Edward Hospital, according to the Chicago Sun-Times.

The victim had just picked up her son from Adventist GlenOaks Hospital in nearby Glendale Heights, where he had been checked in following a domestic incident at the home. Prosecutors wouldn’t describe why he was hospitalized, the Chicago Tribune writes, and there’s no court record of the incident.

Shortly after arriving home, Georg’s mother offered him a sandwich. At that point, according to investigators, he knocked her down and began slamming her head into the ground. He then stabbed her in the chest and neck so brutally that the butcher knife snapped at the handle, the suburban Daily Herald reports.

When police arrived, the woman was bleeding profusely, and the blade of the knife was lying in a pool of blood. Georg was standing in the driveway outside the home, and he gave himself up without resisting.

See, this is exactly why women should never wander outside of the kitchen. If she would have just marched her ass back in there

Reporter Gets The Hose Treatment While Trying To Grill Mom About Her Baked Baby

Ok, let’s get something out of the way first. Leaving your kid in your car on a hot day while you go shopping in Kmart is one of the worst fucking things you can do as a parent. Anyone who loves their kid is going to shop at Target, at least. Maybe Kohls.

Two Kids Busted For Holding Porno Pic Of Friend’s Mom Ransom

[Australia]  Two teenage children of a prominent Sydney barrister have been charged with using a “pornographic photo” to blackmail a wealthy north shore mother. The boy and girl allegedly demanded the woman leave $15,000 in a toilet cistern at a hotel or they would make the photo public. They were arrested after the woman’s husband reported the demand to police and a covert operation was set up to catch the youths. The girl was arrested by plainclothes officers on May 30 after she walked out of the unisex bathroom of the hotel’s gaming room empty handed. The boy, who police allege was nearby, was arrested some weeks later. An 18-year-old accomplice, who said he was a friend of the boy, pleaded guilty to extortion last week and will be sentenced in September. They believe the teens were in the same social set as the victim’s daughter. Police believe the images were stolen from the woman’s home. A copy of the extortion letter received by the victim on May 29 was allegedly found by police on an Apple laptop used by the siblings. The teens’ mother told police the laptop was used by both her children. The letter was allegedly saved in a file titled “threat letter MILF” less than five hours before a copy was allegedly slid under the front door of the victim’s mansion in an envelope addressed to the victim and labelled “private”. On the day of the Hunters Hill cash drop the woman placed a package in the cistern of the toilet and then left the hotel, the court has been told. She returned to her car and sent a text message to the alleged extortionists confirming she had made the drop. The girl then entered the toilet and spent 13 minutes inside. There was no money in the package so the girl left empty handed and was arrested by officers. In the minutes following the arrest police allege her brother used a phone to make 12 phone calls and send two text messages to their father. About an hour after the girl was arrested the woman’s husband received a call from the offenders. The caller said: “You used undercover cops, f … you, f … you. You tell (name of woman) she is dead”.

Hahahahaha “threat letter MILF”.  I have no idea what a barrister is but it sounds loaded, so why these cake-eating brats are concocting extortion plans is beyond me.  Boredom, I guess.  Or heroin.  Yeah, gotta be heroin.  If it was sheer boredom I’d like to think these kids would’ve executed a little better than some shitty PG crime flick.  Anyone who knows anything knows what’s at the drop site.  

Two Brothers Kill Their Mom Over a Game of Yahtzee

[HuffPo] Police have arrested three brothers in Minnesota for allegedly slaying their mother on Christmas because she wanted to play Yahtzee and they didn’t. The brothers are also accused of hiding her mother’s remains, which were discovered buried in the family’s backyard last week Jacob Cobb, 17, allegedly strangled mom Tamara Lee Mason on the living room floor when she suggested that her sons play the board game in the rural town of Alberta last Christmas, the Minnesota Star-Tribune reported. Then he or his brother Andrew, 18, placed a plastic bag over her head and tightened a belt around her neck, TV station KARE said. Their half-brother Dylan C. Clemens, 25, drove Mason’s remains to South Dakota and back to Minnesota, hiding her body for months in a garbage can in a shed until the frozen ground softened enough to bury her in the backyard, police claimed.

“It is very strange,” Stevens County Sheriff Randy Willis said Tuesday. “She wanted to play Yahtzee and they didn’t. That seemed to be, in their minds, what expedited her sudden demise.”

Jacob Cobb was held in juvenile court for second-degree murder while Andrew and Clemens were charged with being an accessory to murder after the fact, the Weekly Vice said.

I was more of a popomatic trouble kind of kid. We used to have tournaments in my family on Friday nights and whoever won got to pick where we went out to dinner on Saturday night. Those are pretty high stakes for a kid and I’d be damned if we didn’t go to Friendly’s so I could get a bacon cheeseburger with a happy ending.

Mom Shows Her Sons Pics Of Her Getting Nailed. . .I Don’t Have A Punchline For This Title

OCALA – A mother accused of showing her sons naked pictures of herself and men engaged in sex acts was arrested Tuesday and charged with lewd and lascivious molestation and exposing minors to obscene materials, according to authorities. The investigation into the 36-year-old woman began last month, when the Department of Children and Families was investigating an accusation that the children had been physically abused. One of the children told DCF that his mother had shown him photographs on the computer of her engaged in sex acts with men. After seeing the photographs, the juvenile claimed his mother rubbed his inner thigh and asked him, “Do you want to try this when you get older,” the arrest report said. The juvenile’s brother told the DCF investigator a similar story. The boys are ages 11 and 12. One of them claimed his mother had punched him in the shoulder and arm several times; the other said she punches him when she’s mad. Based on the information, Marion County Sheriff’s Inspector Mike Mongeluzzo obtained a search warrant for the home, where they seized CDs, DVDs and other electronics. At the time, she denied the allegations, the report said. Her name is withheld to avoid identifying her sons. Examining the equipment, officials noticed that the alleged pictures had been deleted during the DCF investigation. The woman was again questioned by Mongeluzzo, and she denied the allegations. She was then arrested and transported to the Marion County Jail. Her attorney, Charles Holloman, said the accusations are “absurd,” that they stem from the woman’s “overly possessive former spouse” who “refuses to let go” and that the children have admitted their father told them what to say.

OK, let’s get past the fact that, if true, this is a slut of epic proportions who tried to coax her sons into stuffing her like Chinese fingercuffs.  Obviously that’s all sorts of wrong.  But we can’t judge the level of fucked up until we know exactly what ‘engaged in sex acts win men’ means.  Were these pictures a slideshow with a different longstroking dude in each, or did this pictorial detail mom in various gang-bangs with hands & dicks all over her?  I mean if my mom shared her private Facebook album with me and it was one different dude tagged in each pic, that’d be understandable.  No, ma, I didn’t need to see you saddling up for some reverse cowgirl while Paco palms your cans, but I can respect the fact that you’re a fan of the cock.  If it wasn’t for your salacious lust for dong I wouldn’t be blogging right now, so thank you.  Just tell me which one’s my dad and let’s move on.  However, if she’s clicking through while rubbing my inner-thigh and there’s a tag list that’s got more male names than the Stanley Cup in every photo, I’m gonna need the DCF ASAP because I’m not DTF.  I gnawed on those nips as a tike and was unimpressed, as evidenced by the lack of a tent in my diaper (from what I remember).  Plus, I’m a little weirded out you can’t just be a regular whore like your standard everyday chick.

P.S. – If your mom is Pam Anderson in her prime, you’re at least (or at best?) hesitating a great deal before you shoot down her advances.  I’m talking like a day or two to whip up a pros & cons list.  Don’t pull that “it’s my mom, doesn’t matter what she looks like” crap with me.