Santa[Tampa Bay] The bishop’s going rate was signing off on 50 fake community service hours for seven hugs. “Hug is too light of a term, I think,” said Cpl. Felicia Pecora. “They were very groping hugs.” Police arrested Charles M. Leigh, 64, on Wednesday on six counts of falsifying records and six counts of falsifying official records in writing, all misdemeanors. Leigh, who says he is a bishop, leads the Apostolic Catholic Church at 7813 N Nebraska Ave., which promotes itself as an alternative to the Roman Catholic Church. His sanctuary is hardly more than a small house, and his parishioners include prostitutes and people on probation. His church was among the various churches, hospitals and other entities where the Florida Department of Corrections allows probationers to perform community service hours as part of their criminal punishment. In June, police received a tip that Leigh was falsifying probation paperwork. An undercover officer pretending to be on probation went in and waited to meet with him to see about earning community service hours. “Oh, you won’t have any problem; you’re female,” a man told her. Leigh signed off on paperwork saying the woman had performed 17 community service hours after giving her four “intimate hugs”. She returned Wednesday and got three “groping hugs” in exchange for 33 more hours. When the undercover officer pushed him away, he dismissed her, saying, “Aw, I guess I’m too gropey.” She had to push him off twice before officers moved in to arrest Leigh.

Hugs? We talkin’ bout hugs? We ain’t talkin’ bout kissing…not handies…not head…not titty-sucking, finger-blasting or fucking…but hugs? I don’t care how gropey these hugs were – if you’re still calling it a hug, it’s just as insignificant as community service. Maybe Kris Kringle took a handful of butt cheek. Maybe he copped some titty with a from-behind squeeze. Big deal. Read the rest of this entry »

Monty-Ray-Grow[WTSP]  A former University of Florida linebacker was arrested for child abuse after police say he left a 3-year-old girl in his car alone while he went into a strip club. Deputies say when they got to the scene, the child’s grandparents were already there and had removed the child from the vehicle. An investigation revealed 41-year-old Monty R. Grow of Redington Beach had driven the car into the Drive Time parking lot and left the girl unattended in the vehicle while he went inside the Diamond Dolls strip club around 9:48 p.m. Sunday. Deputies say that as they were investigating the incident, Grow ran up to the car and admitted to leaving the girl unattended. She was not injured. Grow was a linebacker with the Florida Gators from 1989-1993. He was suspended for one year in 1991 after he tested positive for steroids and was reinstated by the NCAA in time for the 1992 season opener. He went on to play a season each for the Kansas City Chiefs and the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Give the guy a break. Don’t all parents need mini-timeouts every once in a while? Dude’s just trying to balance coping with life as a former juicehead/failed pro athlete with parenthood. Doesn’t sound easy. What would all the “perfect parents” out there have done? Read the rest of this entry »

[Daily Mail]  Been to the pub for a couple and think you’ll be OK to drive home? One look in this mirror should convince you otherwise. This is the Government’s shocking new ad campaign to deter drink drivers. In the terrifying footage unsuspecting men are shown looking into the mirror while they wash their hands in a north London pub toilet. Suddenly a mannequin is thrown forcefully against the mirror from the other side – simulating the effect of a pedestrian hitting the windscreen in a car crash. The impact caused the mirror to crack and ‘blood’ to run down the frame into the sink.

When I’m at the bar and go to piss, I also use those couple minutes to get my act together. Take a quick inventory & argue with myself over whether or not I’m wasted before checking my wallet to see how many more Patron shots I can buy for the chick I won’t take home.  Read the rest of this entry »

glennlott[Smoking Gun]  Proving again that golfers are the most volatile and violent athletes, a Michigan man was arrested yesterday after allegedly breaking a club over another duffer’s head during a scoring argument. Glenn Lott, 59, was jailed yesterday for felony aggravated assault with a weapon following the confrontation at the Westwynd Golf Course in Oakland Township outside Detroit. According to the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office, Lott and the 65-year-old victim were playing yesterday afternoon when a dispute arose over the number of shots one of them took on a particular hole. During the argument, deputies allege, Lott struck the older man over the head with a club, breaking off its head. Lott then used the sawed-off club to stab the victim in the stomach. Lott, who lives about a mile from the golf course, was subsequently taken into custody at his residence and later booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of formal charges. Lott is a former Drake University football star who was a second-round draft pick of the Buffalo Bills in 1975 (though he never ended up playing in the NFL). The man allegedly attacked by Lott declined medical treatment.

OK, first thing’s first – is this Ronnie Lott’s brother or not? I’m leaning no because I couldn’t confirm it with a 7-second Google search, but if I’m wrong, then this is no surprise. The failed football star who shares bloodlines with a HOFer famous for cutting a finger off instead of missing any time on the field obviously has a short fuse.

This is why I don’t play golf though. Everyone always tells me it’s relaxing & fun. Bullshit. Read the rest of this entry »

SexToySlut[KPTV]  A thief broke into multiple cars in the Bluff neighborhood of Sandy and stole some items rarely seen in police reports: sex toys. Sandy police said there are at least five victims, but one woman had the most embarrassing police report. ”I can’t believe it,” said Chelsey Coutts, about her sedan trunk being broken into. “I’m still in shock.” And beyond the shock of a rare theft on her quiet street Monday, Coutts said she couldn’t believe she had to tell police what someone stole. ”It was horrible. (The officer) kind of started laughing, but he felt bad so he asked me to describe everything in detail, and it was just horrible,” Coutts said. Coutts had been storing a cache of items that took her months and about $500 to collect for a bachelorette party this weekend. ”I’ve been storing it in my trunk because I have two little ones and didn’t want them to see all the dirty things in there,” said Coutts. “Lots of toys, blow-up items, all kinds of goodies.” ”It broke my heart,” said Haleigh Kirby, the bride-to-be, about the theft. “Chelsey’s worked so hard for so long on all this, and she’s done a really good job, and it’s just sad to see someone come and take all that away like that. I don’t even know what they could use it for.” Coutts said she’s thankful for many donations she’s already received to replace the items lost.

Man, bride-to-be Haleigh is in for a fucking treat. For however long she’s known Chelsey, she’s known who was gonna be in charge of her bachelorette party. The hot blonde of the group who, if I can be judgmental for a moment, is the poster child for your everyday slut. Read the rest of this entry »

Teacher[Bellingham Herald]  A young Gig Harbor woman who contends her Tacoma Community College music instructor coerced her into taking off her clothes and touching herself during singing lessons has sued the state and the teacher. She contends the community college failed in its duty to protect her from instructor Kevin Gausepohl, who she claims took advantage of her for his sexual gratification. The suit seeks unspecified damages, but she previously filed a $1.25 million claim against the state. Gausepohl told investigators two years ago he “vehemently” denies all of the allegations against him. The woman was a 17-year-old high school student attending the community college as part of the Running Start program two years ago when she made her allegations. He allegedly told the girl he was conducting a study on how sexual arousal affects vocal range, and she complied with some of his requests to strip or touch herself during voice lessons at the school. Gausepohl, 38, masturbated during one session while she played piano, the woman contends. The music instructor allegedly made similar requests of other students, who declined.

This story reminds me of a buddy I have. Actually, we all do. The “player” with no shame, hitting on chicks 24/7 with his embarrassing “game” and, usually, giving us all a good laugh as he whiffs repeatedly. Sometimes, though, he’ll go yard like the Adam Dunn of pussy. Read the rest of this entry »

americanidolstabbing[York Dispatch]  A York County couple not only couldn’t agree on which “American Idol” contestant was going to win the reality singing contest last week but also couldn’t agree on who stabbed whom first. As Karen Elaine Harrelson, 48, and Gregory L. Stambaugh, 57, were watching “American Idol” in the basement of Stambaugh’s home, the two got into an drunken argument over which contestant should win the season’s title. So one of them went to the kitchen, got a knife and stabbed the other. Whoever was stabbed first then took hold of the knife and stabbed the other. Both Harrelson and Stambaugh told police the other one got a knife and struck first.

He said: Officer Matt Emig found Harrelson, who had blood on her arms and clothing, standing outside the home. An argumentative Stambaugh came out of the house and yelled about “how police don’t give a fuck about the girls” and “only arrest the guys”. He was taken into custody and told officers that he had been stabbed in his left forearm. Stambaugh told police that Harrelson went upstairs to the kitchen, got a knife, returned to the basement and stabbed him. He said she then went back to the main floor and Stambaugh followed her and got the knife away from her. Harrelson suffered cuts to her right wrist and two left fingers as they struggled for the knife.

She said: Harrelson’s version of what happened is slightly different. She told police she went to the kitchen and got a knife to cut a piece of cake when Stambaugh, who followed her upstairs, used a second knife to cut her wrist and also hit her head with his hand and threw her down. Harrelson said she stabbed Stambaugh with the knife she had and then called 911. Both Harrelson and Stambaugh told police they been drinking, with Stambaugh adding that Harrelson started drinking beer and tequila at 5 a.m. and that he joined in at noon by drinking beer and a pint of scotch.

Was there anyone more pumped for the American Idol finale than these two motherfuckers? You can’t really go much harder at pregaming than Karen & Gregory. But there is a subtle difference that sheds a little light onto their characters. Read the rest of this entry »