Whoops! Priest Mixes Up Powerpoint Presentation With Gay Porn In Preparation For 1st Communion

[The Herald]  A priest has denied knowing how gay porn images appeared on a screen during a presentation he was giving to parents of children preparing for First Communion. Fr Martin McVeigh was setting up the PowerPoint display when the explicit sex scenes flashed up on the screen. He was about to give a talk to the parents of First Communicants but abandoned the presentation after the pornographic images appeared. One of those present said the pictures appeared on the screen after the priest put a USB memory stick into the computer at St Mary’s School in Pomeroy, Co Tyrone. “There were plenty of shocked faces. There’s a lot of parents very angry about it.” School principal Sean Devlin is understood to have contacted the Armagh diocese about the incident, which is being investigated by the diocese child protection office. The Church authorities also went to the police, who said no crime had been committed. The Archdiocese of Armagh has refused to say whether Fr McVeigh has been suspended from duties or had restrictions imposed on his position while the investigation is under way. The priest himself insists the pornographic images can be “legitimately explained”. He told the Ulster Herald newspaper he had no knowledge of how the images appeared on the computer. A statement from Cardinal Sean Brady said: “The archdiocese immediately sought the advice of the PSNI who indicated that on the basis of the evidence available no crime had been committed.”

First:  “A priest has denied knowing how gay porn images appeared on a screen…”

Later:  “The priest himself insists the pornographic images can be ‘legitimately explained’.”

Huh?  Listen, everybody knows you got your memory sticks mixed up.  Tough break, too, because you seemed to be going about your closet masturbatory habit in a much smarter way than most of your brethren.  No websites, nothing saved to a shared computer’s hard drive, no face-fucking altar boys. 

Top High School In Massachusetts Finds Out They Hired Gay Porn Star Hytch Cawke To Teach English

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[MyFoxBoston]  Kevin Hogan is an English teacher and crew coach at a top-rated Massachusetts public high school, but he brings some unusual experience to the job: until recently, he was starring in pornographic movies. Hogan has worked at the Mystic Valley Regional Charter School in Malden since September. In addition to his coaching and teaching duties, he also chairs the high school’s English department. But he can also be found on the Internet and in adult entertainment stores under his screen name: Hytch Cawke. His movie credits include “Fetish World” and “Just Gone Gay 8,” and FOX Undercover found his third movie, whose title is not fit to reveal in a family news outlet, in a local adult store. It features him answering an ad to have sex for money. Now Hogan will have to answer to his school, which placed him on paid leave while they conduct their own investigation. It’s not the kind of news the school is used to. Just this year, Newsweek magazine named Mystic Valley one of the best high schools in the country and fourth best public high school in Massachusetts.

First of all, “Hytch Cawke” is a pretty solid porn name considering how many others have already been taken.  Anyway, it’s pretty crazy to see people up in arms over shit like this.  I mean would Mystic Valley Regional Charter School rank any higher if Kevin Hogan wasn’t getting his starfish smashed in Fetish World?  A gay porn star can’t also master English and crew?  Christ, crew might be gayer than a feature role in the Just Gone Gay series.  

Meet Heidi, Special Ed. Teacher & Operator of TeacherTitties.com, MySluttyTeachers.com. . .

[RecordNet]  A Lincoln Unified School District teacher has been placed on paid leave amid allegations she was operating pornographic websites on a school computer with a Stockton police officer as her partner. District officials confiscated the school-issued Apple laptop of Heidi Kaeslin, a special-education teacher at Lincoln High, about one month ago. Kaeslin, 35, has been replaced by a long-term substitute teacher. Lincoln Unified has hired a computer expert to perform a forensic study of the laptop. A written report is expected this week, said attorney Chet Quaide, who is representing Lincoln Unified. Based on the report, Uslan will recommend to the Lincoln Unified board whether action – including possibly firing Kaeslin – is warranted. Action could come as soon as December’s board meeting. The investigation centers around allegations Kaeslin and Richard Fields, 51, an officer assigned by the Stockton Police Department to Lincoln High, were using the computer to support several for-profit websites, most of them adult. Fields retired from the police force in May. The sites include RandHentertainment.com, 360pig.com, teachertitties.com and mysluttyteachers.com.

Heidi, why the fuck are you taking all your sites down?!!?  This is the pub you needed for your porn career to skyrocket!  Now’s the time to capitalize.  I mean why start operating TeacherTitties.com in the first place if you’re just gonna fold in the face of free nationwide advertising?  The idea is genius, really. 

There’s The Mile-High Club, Then There’s Fucking While Skydiving. . .Very NSFW Alert!

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[KGET]  With a Katie Perry pop song blaring in the background, the video was posted on the age-protected blog of Alex Torres, a porn star who also moonlighted on weekends as an instructor at Skydive Taft. Torres, who goes by the nickname Voodoo, abruptly removed the video Monday as a Taft Police investigation began to unfold. “I didn’t know it until one of the officers came over from the Taft Police Department and informed me this was going around the kids in school and stuff,” says Dave Chrouch, owner skydive taft. The video shows Torres and Hope Howell, a receptionist at the Skydive School having sex in a plane before jumping out in tandem and continuing the act mid-air. Chrouch says the video was a stunt Torres put together to get the attention of Howard Stern. Lieutenant Ed Whiting of the Taft Police Department was over at the school Monday investigating and says there are no criminal charges pending. He says everyone in the video was of age. And since no one complained about witnessing the dive, he says there are no public nudity charges to be had either. “One teenage boy saw it, was upset at the girl in the video, and took it and posted it to all of his friends.” A spokesman with the Federal Aviation Administration says there is no explicit policy on sexual conduct on private planes. But Ian Gregor says any activity that could affect a pilot’s ability to concentrate on flying or cause the pilot to be jostled could constitute a violation of federal aviation regulations. At one point in the video the couple is shown seated in a jump seat right next to the pilot. Chrouch says he has fired Torres but will decide what will happen to Howell after talking to her about the video.

First of all, kudos to owner Dave Crouch.  He fires Torres immediately but decides to hold off on canning Hope until after they have a convo about the amateur porn she starred in with the dude he just booted.  Yep.  You should definitely ‘discuss’ her aerial sex tape.  And by ‘discuss’ I mean find out if she’s willing to fuck you all over the office before deciding her fate.  Anyway, although it’s undoubtedly awesome to say you banged while plummeting 10,000 feet, I can’t help but think they’d both say it’s overrated.  

There Is No Way This Chick Stole Money So She Could Pay For Porn

[Daily Mail]  A teenage girl is accused of breaking into a neighbour’s home through a doggy door and stealing items to pay for pornography. Amanda Owens, 18, was allegedly caught after Darin Pake, 44, who had previously hired her as a babysitter, set up a surveillance camera. He said he took the unusual measure after noticing several items missing from his home in St Paul, Minnesota. Over the course of two days, his camera was gone. And his brief case. And a jar of money. In an attempt to stop anything else from disappearing, he installed a video camera to see where his things were going. He was not expecting the visual he taped. The footage showed his 18-year-old neighbour Amanda Owens crawling into his house from the doggy door. Owens was a familiar face, but Mr Pake was more accustomed to seeing her walk in through the front door when he hired her as a babysitter. The tape showed Owens wandering around the house on Monday and rummaging through Mr Pake’s things for 20 minutes. She even stopped to chug a Red Bull from the fridge when she needed a little energy boost. Mr Pake called police and they got a formal statement from Owens, leading them to the most surprising portion of the story. Owens admitted to breaking in and stealing things in order to pay off debts from her porn addiction. She said that she broke into the Pake household three times in the course of the week to find find valuables that she could pawn for cash. She was planning on getting money from the sale of the stolen goods because she previously bought 20 to 30 DVDs of porn and owed money as a result.

Scrody hit the nail on the head when he said this chick looks like she got shot in the face by Dick Cheney.  This pic seriously looks like a photoshopped ‘BEFORE’ pic for a Proactiv campaign.  She should make herself a ski mask out of Stridex.  But I’m not here to pick on Ms. Owens’ greasy, filthy mug.  

Firefighters Under Fire For Letting Brazzers Film A Flick With Their Truck

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[NBC] LA City firefighters are under investigation for allegedly taking part in porn movies on the job, Cpt. Jaime Moore of the Los Angeles Fire Department confirmed to NBC4 LA. LAFD insiders recently tipped off NBC4 LA that several firefighters allowed porn producers to use their fire engines in two adult movies that are available on one of the world’s biggest porn websites. If participation by the firefighters is proven true, it is a violation of department policy, Moore said. In one of the movies, shot at Venice Beach, LAFD Engine 263 is used as the backdrop by an actress performing lewd acts. “Look at this fire truck,” says porn actress Charley Chase, as she climbs on the engine and repeatedly exposes herself. “Isn’t that nice.” It appears that a group of firefighters are watching the movie being shot. Firefighters “set it all up ahead of time” with “the film crew” because they thought it was “good clean fun,”an insider told NBC4 LA. In the movie, Engine 263 is parked in two disabled spots — a violation of department policy — apparently so the porn producers could use the truck. For several minutes of the movie, the actress appears to have free access to the engine, and asks numerous passersby to fondle her. “Look, I think we have more friends,” she says, as a group of men stop to fondle the actress. “Zero tolerance for that,” said Cpt. Tina Haro, an LAFD spokeswoman.

I have a geographical question.  Is Los Angeles still part of America?  Because I’m pretty sure in the good old US of A people who risk their lives for their community deserve to see some pussy.  Was there a 4-alarm flame ravaging the surrounding neighborhoods of Venice while Charley Chase was mesmerizing the LAFD with her tits?  

Porn Company Building A Bunker For The 2012 End of the World.

[HuffPo] Got any plans for the upcoming apocalypse onDecember 21, 2012? This projected doomsday is based on ancient Mayan prophecy (not disgraced pastor Harold Camping), and San Fernando Valley porn company Pink Visual is wasting no time preparing for it. The adult film company announced plans to construct a bona fide bomb shelter to protect “the Pink Visual staff and members of our immediate families,” as well as performers, business partners, and fans. Complete with a full production studio (as well as a fully-stocked bar, microbrewery and performance stage), the bunker is being built to ensure that Pink Visual will continue to create quality adult entertainment throughout the end of days and beyond. RT describes the bunker as “a little bit Bat Cave with a dash of Playboy Mansion” — and of course, it’ll all be as glamorous and luxurious as a bomb shelter can be.

Uh, what? Am I reading this right? I don’t think you need me to tell you that this is by far the best place to be when the world comes to an end in 2012. What a way to go, huh? Locked in a bunker with booze and porn stars. I mean, think about it.

PETA Taking It To The Next Level With Its Own XXX Porn Site

[HuffPo] PETA knows how to raise eyebrows. The animal rights group’s memorable campaigns have entailed everything from celebrities posing nude for its anti-fur campaign to scantily clad women having an erotic moment with their vegetables to support veganism. Now, PETA has pulled out all of the stops with a XXX porn site for its next clever marketing endeavor, reports The Register. PETA confirmed the XXX site in a phone interview with The Huffington Post. “We live in a 24 hour news cycle world and we learn the racy things we do are sometimes the most effective way that we can reach particular individuals,” said PETA spokeswoman Lindsay Rajt. Instead of focusing on anti-fur, the porn site will raise awareness of veganism, said Rajt. “We really want to grab people’s attention, get them talking and to question the status quo and ultimately take action, because the best way we can help the greatest number of animals is simply by not eating them.” With the finer details still to be finalized, PETA did confirm that regular people, not just celebrities, will also be featured in the project. “There will be a lot of girl and boy next door content, but we haven’t ruled out celebrities on the site as well,” said Rajt. “People who are extraordinarily dedicated to helping animals and who are willing to do whatever it takes to draw attention to the suffering they endure.”

I doubt this is a surprise to anyone. PETA has been flaunting naked chicks to bring attention to themselves for a while now. As they’ve inched closer and closer to all out porn, they probably saw the writing on the wall. Getting people to stop eating animals is a dead end business. We’re fat fucks and love our seared flesh. Internet porn however, now that’s as stable a business as they come. The real exciting thing though is that

Slow-Ass Japanese Robot Picks Things Up & Puts Them Down

Is it weird that every time I see a video of a Japanese robot, I immediately expect it to turn into some sort of porn? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m pulling my dick out at the first sight of a droid of any kind. It’s just that I feel like that’s the type of thing that Japanese guys are into. Especially those life like women robots. What else could the purpose for them possibly be?

Two Kids Busted For Holding Porno Pic Of Friend’s Mom Ransom

[Australia]  Two teenage children of a prominent Sydney barrister have been charged with using a “pornographic photo” to blackmail a wealthy north shore mother. The boy and girl allegedly demanded the woman leave $15,000 in a toilet cistern at a hotel or they would make the photo public. They were arrested after the woman’s husband reported the demand to police and a covert operation was set up to catch the youths. The girl was arrested by plainclothes officers on May 30 after she walked out of the unisex bathroom of the hotel’s gaming room empty handed. The boy, who police allege was nearby, was arrested some weeks later. An 18-year-old accomplice, who said he was a friend of the boy, pleaded guilty to extortion last week and will be sentenced in September. They believe the teens were in the same social set as the victim’s daughter. Police believe the images were stolen from the woman’s home. A copy of the extortion letter received by the victim on May 29 was allegedly found by police on an Apple laptop used by the siblings. The teens’ mother told police the laptop was used by both her children. The letter was allegedly saved in a file titled “threat letter MILF” less than five hours before a copy was allegedly slid under the front door of the victim’s mansion in an envelope addressed to the victim and labelled “private”. On the day of the Hunters Hill cash drop the woman placed a package in the cistern of the toilet and then left the hotel, the court has been told. She returned to her car and sent a text message to the alleged extortionists confirming she had made the drop. The girl then entered the toilet and spent 13 minutes inside. There was no money in the package so the girl left empty handed and was arrested by officers. In the minutes following the arrest police allege her brother used a phone to make 12 phone calls and send two text messages to their father. About an hour after the girl was arrested the woman’s husband received a call from the offenders. The caller said: “You used undercover cops, f … you, f … you. You tell (name of woman) she is dead”.

Hahahahaha “threat letter MILF”.  I have no idea what a barrister is but it sounds loaded, so why these cake-eating brats are concocting extortion plans is beyond me.  Boredom, I guess.  Or heroin.  Yeah, gotta be heroin.  If it was sheer boredom I’d like to think these kids would’ve executed a little better than some shitty PG crime flick.  Anyone who knows anything knows what’s at the drop site.